Solo Mother

There is no time to think in my mornings. No time to change my mind, or try to make a decision. Everything has to be laid out the night before, and then I’m locked into a commitment to that dress, those socks, that lunch. Every night, I pack the lunch bags, lay out the outfits, find the shoes and socks and mittens, so when I wake up at the crack of dawn, all I have to do is go go go.
Yesterday, I got up and shuffled into my outfit for the day: a pair of khaki handmedown trousers and …read more

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Ahhh, geek love. Someone has finally quantified the factors that lead to divorce or happiness, and they’ve turned it into… a mathematical formula. Apparently, marriage is all about communication, or lack thereof. Couples who can navigate difficult times with a sense of humor will weather the storm; we needed an equation to tell us this? Actually, it’s pretty interesting. “Psychologist John Gottman and applied mathematicians James D. Murray and Kristin Swanson will describe how the model was developed and how it enables Gottman to predict with 94 percent accuracy which couples will divorce after viewing just the first few …read more

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My kid got his feelings hurt by a grown up this weekend. Some grown ups just don’t know when to stop, and this particular one teased the kid to within an inch of his sanity, pushing the joke far past the point where it stopped being funny. To the point where my almost four year old looked this adult in the eye and said, “I’m not talking to you anymore. You hurt my feelings.”
I was so amazed that my little guy felt comfortable enough in his own skin, and confident enough of his own value and worth, that he could …read more

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I lay in a borrowed bed, safe between pillow top and feather comforter, the egg blue walls muted by midnight, my face turned towards the square of streetlight across the pillow. It was an old, familiar feeling of other sanctuaries, other borrowed beds with metal frames, a different street lamp illuminating a different sleeping scene, but still… the same sense of stillness within me, of a moment entirely at peace with itself. I let my mind stretch back along the years, in search of some younger self, some happier me, thinking of other sleepy nights on the edge of a …read more

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The Single Mother Resources website wrote an article that really hit home for me… owning my own, that is. I think I’ve written about this before, though I’m still too sick to actually go back and look for it…
Your city and your state should have resources to help first time buyers purchase a home. In addition, there are other incentive programs such as Workforce Housing, housing auctions, foreclosure auctions, and the like, that help your dreams come true.
Pay down your credit card debt with a will, get rid of any outstanding debt that is negatively impacting your credit report, and …read more

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So far, no shouting. So far, so good. We’re being kind to each other, as kind as we know how. I’ll tell you, it’s worth it. This visit could have been miserable; instead, it’s bittersweet. I’m grateful.
What I’d forgotten over these months, and what has been driven home to me in a most painful fashion, is to be kind to yourself. I haven’t been taking care of myself and my body has called me outon it. In spades. I’m sick a-bed today, because I didn’t listen to my body and take care of it the way it deserves. Don’t …read more

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The KoE’s dad arrived safely, albeit late, last night. On the eve of my first business trip for the Big Job, no less. I got no sleep last night, wolfed down a ton of vitamins and hopped into a cab. Got on the plane, was sick from taking too many vitamins on an empty stomach. Got in a cab and raced downtown. Had to get out of the cab a mile from the office, though the cab kindly let me off on a corner with no less than three trash cans and a well placed shrub, should I have to …read more

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You know, in between the death of my aunt and the new job and the grueling schedule we have now, you’d think I’d be moaning and groaning, dooming and glooming. Nope. Let’s add to the mix the phone call I got this morning for the KoE’s dad, who had found a fabulous, last minute deal and is on his way to visit. Tomorrow night. Tomorrow. Night. Never mind that it’s on the eve of my first business trip. Nope. Never mind that I’ve taken a big leap of faith and cancelled my child care plans for tomorrow night, assuming that …read more

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Lest I forget that there are some extraordinary men and women out there who are still engaged in giving up their lives for a war I don’t understand… the Washington Post’s Donna St. George wrote a moving piece (The Forgotten Families) the other day about the plight of some the war has left behind: the grandparents of single mothers and fathers who raise a child as their own after war has claimed the parent. A $100,00 death ‘annuity’ the government provides, “a payment intended to ease the financial strain as families await government survivors’ benefits,” is denied to anyone but …read more

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My kid has a kid’s imagination, and the line between make-believe and reality is a thin one, indeed. Frankly, it’s a skill I envy, stuck here in Real Life. I indulge his fantasy as often as possible, while still answering him as truthfully as I dare.
For instance, when he asks me if dragons are real, I ask him back: “Do you want them to be real?” and he nods with grave eyes. So be it.
One of my son’s favorite flights of fancy? Astronaut. Over a year ago, his grammie bought him a genuine NASA Space Shuttle Launch and Entry Astronaut …read more

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