Solo Mother

Tonight, I helped my parents throw a dinner party in honor of a local theater’s thirtieth year. I ended up working it. Worked my butt off. But my folks were so happy, it was worth it. I love to help, and the way my weeks have been going lately, I really needed a couple of hours where I could make a difference to someone. It felt good.
And then I picked my kid up from my amazing friend’s house and he was such a sweet, wonderful boy. Helps that he loves my friend and her daughters and her husband. I can’t …read more

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When I was setting up my new little single mother household, I did a lot of research into which companies were family-friendliest. Working Mother magazine puts out a great list every year of the best companies to work for if work/life balance is important to you, and you want a little less worry about what’s going to happen to your job if your kid gets sick and you have to stay home.

There are some amazing articles to be found in this magazine, related to working for the best companies, giving them your best, and getting the most out of the …read more

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Last year when my husband and I broke up, I stared at a desktop calendar–you know, one of those big paper ones that you put down on your desk–and stared in horror at all those blank days stretching before me. The beginning of the rest of my life, yes, but also an unknown path down which I had to travel.
I made a list of events for the King of Everything and me to do every weekend from the moment we arrived back in the US to sometime in mid-January. Fourteen or fifteen weekends of Something to Do. We went …read more

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I’m going through some Big Scary Stuff right now, stuff I’m not ready to talk about, but Stuff that has hit me back down into the realm of humble and grateful and… humble. And so in love with my kid it’s beyond the capacity of my heart to contain it. I hope, when things get rough for your in your lives–as they will, from time to time, no doubt about it– that you will look into your child’s eyes and know that any amount of fight, sacrifice, and challenge is worth it. I hope, when you don’t have the strength …read more

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When you separate from your partner, each of you then maintains one set of everything. Two homes, two sets of furnishings, two piles of clothes for the kids, two sets of toys… utility bills, car payments, etc. It adds up. All those expenses were things you used to divide right down the line.
I’m trying to figure out how much I’d need to make to make ends meet in my home town. It’s scary.
Average rent: two bedroom, one bath home/apartment: $2400 for under 100 sf.
Car: Let’s estimate $500/month for payment and insurance (it’s expensive to drive in DC)
Utilities: Gas, …read more

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I love reading Kate’s blog, Babylune, even though I’m not going to have another baby any time soon–if ever (it takes two to tango, ya know). Her post about coming to terms with family size and fertility is hitting home tonight.
And I pop over to see what Charlene’s family is up to at Weary Parent pretty often–it’s the first middle school dance for her son! Something I am so grateful to not face for a few more years.
And how could we forget Thrifty Mommy, that fountain of good ideas for saving money and time… who also pointed us all to …read more

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We still are not officially divorced. Something about money. It’s expensive to get divorced, though I’ve been pinching my pennies against the day. Obviously, this is not something that can continue, unresolved, indefinitely. There are new lives to build, new dreams to chase, and those old strings will need to be cut someday.
I have learned to bow and bend, how to surrender and accept what cannot be changed. I’ve learned to pick my battles with myself and my son.
And heaven help me, but I’m learning how to forgive myself.

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I’ve been watching this day creep closer and closer on the calendar. Finally. I’ve survived my first year of life as a single mother. On some counts, I’d say I’ve more than survived. I know my child is thriving, full of health, happiness, and a kindness of spirit that makes everything I have fought for worthwhile.
Last night, when I kissed him goodnight, he took my face in his not so little anymore hands and said, very seriously, very tenderly, “You’re the nicest person in my life, mama.”
The rest of it is too deep to say with words right …read more

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Sara Cole was struck by a drunk driver while she unloaded one of her son’s bikes from the back of her car. She was pinned between the two cars and her hips and legs were smashed. After weeks in the intensive care unit, she has been moved to another unit while her four sons and an incredible community of neighbors, friends, family and complete strangers wait to see how she will fare through the multiple operations that still await her.
Incredibly–not so incredibly to this single mother– her community has stepped in to fill the gaping holes where this single mother …read more

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There’s this hip, nondenominational, warmfuzzy church in my town that puts on such family favorites as the Easter Eggstravaganza and a Mother’s Day luncheon that makes moms smile. They aren’t marketing Jesus. They don’t mention God. They just promote family and happiness and make memories in my neighborhood. I heart them.
Last night, the King of Everything and I raced home so I could change out of my work suit and into play clothes, then rushed to the park, where this funky groovy church had set up a big screen, a big generator, and the film Cars. There was free …read more

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