As street lamps pour orange colored shapes through your window….
I lay in a borrowed bed, safe between pillow top and feather comforter, the egg blue walls muted by midnight, my face turned towards the square of streetlight across the pillow. It was an old, familiar feeling of other sanctuaries, other borrowed beds with metal frames, a different street lamp illuminating a different sleeping scene, but still… the same sense of stillness within me, of a moment entirely at peace with itself. I let my mind stretch back along the years, in search of some younger self, some happier me, thinking of other sleepy nights on the edge of a lifetime, and knew that this path, this now that I have chosen, is the right one–for me and the boychild asleep a few blocks over in what will always be, for now and ever in his memories, his childhood bed.
Again, rescued by the kindness of strangers. When the ex had surprised me with his last minute tickets, I realized I couldn’t vouch for him and reach out to my community of mothers here in the ‘hood to find him a place to stay for a couple of days, but I could vouch for myself. A call went out, for sanctuary, for escape from friction that was sure to be crippling at worst, annoying at best, as that stranger I’d married rattled around in my townhouse for four days. A friend of a friend turned over her keys, no questions asked, without requesting anything from me in return but that I enjoy her home and find peace there. I drifted through the rooms of this woman’s house and marvelled at the beauty in small things, a wall full of antique and arresting mirrors, a wedding picture in a beautiful frame… a lifetime of treasures I was loathe to disturb, to intrude upon. I kept my presence in their home to a minimum, but luxuriated in the sense of family, nonetheless.
The ex is gone, and the King of Everything is no worse for wear. I did have to reassure him,though, that no matter what ever happened, I was always going to be there. No matter what, he can always count on his mama. He will always know where to find me, both in his heart and on this great big blue and green ball that seems to spin so wildly out of control, for all that a day and night crawl by so slowly, measured in a square of light through an uncurtained window.
Tags: single mother, single mom, sanctuary, peace, kindness, friendship, memories
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POSTED IN: love, ritual, wisdom, words to live by
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