Divorce is bad for children… now what?
I keep reading all these studies that show how bad divorce is for children. There’s another one, an interesting study, but I found out about it on the Catholic Exchange website.
When I read a summary or news article about data, surveys, polls, or the like, I have to wonder about the slant. Who commissioned the information to be gathered? Who is writing the summary and analyzing the data? In the case of these worst-case scenarios, which children are they interviewing? Are they taking into account socio-economic factors, ancillary family members who offer a stable family atmosphere? What are the factors that contribute to any child’s success, or failure? Is divorce a different factor than single mothers by choice? Is it the rending of what was once normal? Or are children of single mothers by choice at risk, simply for not having a father to balance the mother?
I’m no expert on anything. Perhaps someone else can take a look at the raw data and tell me the nuances that such flat statements as, “Divorce is bad for children” fail to convey.
Tags: broken families, children, divorce, kids, single-mom, single-motherRelated Stories
POSTED IN: divorce
9 opinions for Divorce is bad for children… now what?
Heidi Saxton
Jul 16, 2008 at 10:37 pm
The fact that the study appears on a Catholic website doesn’t automatically mean the findings are inaccurate or “fixed.” Especially in this case … Is there any doubt that a child is better off living with both parents than with one trying to do the job of both parents? And that doesn’t even factor in the emotional trauma of the divorce itself.
Don’t get me wrong. There are single moms out there doing a truly heroic job of raising their kids, usually sacrificing their own needs in the process. There are times when this kind of arrangement is tragic and unavoidable. Such women deserve compassion and support. Even so, the children are bound to be affected. Nature dictates that it takes two (husband and wife) to make a family.
ratphooey
Jul 16, 2008 at 10:58 pm
You know the saying about lies, damn lies and statistics…
Divorce is hard for everyone involved. But often it is better than the alternative of staying in a bad marriage.
Dr. Leah
Jul 17, 2008 at 6:37 am
Children born to single moms by choice are a whole different category. The outcome data–meaning how do these kids turn out–is positive and show no meaningful differences between SM - choice kids and kids born to heterosexual couples.
All divorce studies are confounded–not so clear cut like this article made it sound– by the sadly inevitable financial woes often experienced by the newly single divorced mother. Poverty is the issue not the divorce itself. Continued acrimony between the parents surely doesn’t help. Dads who split both financially and emotionally certainly contribute to the difficulties kids from divorced homes experience.
Lots of times kids get less supervision leading to problems because mom is working extra long hours to compensate for paltry or no child support and to make up for lost time in the work place.
The most important thing to remember is that statistics are not about you and your family. These data don’t predict anything about how your kids will turn out.
As Dr. Phil (not a psychologist - BTW) says, “It is better to be from a broken home than to live in a broken home.” I hate the term broken home, but the idea that living in constant bitterness and fighting like couples do who stay together “for the sake of the children” in reality do the kids little good and likely some emotional harm.
The only thing we can do is the best we can. And, likely, that what each of us is doing every day.
SoloMother
Jul 17, 2008 at 8:51 am
*GRIN* Phooey, I suspect in your current course of studies you know a bit about statistics!
SoloMother
Jul 17, 2008 at 8:51 am
Dr. Leah, thank you for this. Your advice is so good. May I pull your comments out as a post so no one misses reading it??
christina
Jul 17, 2008 at 8:55 am
Heidi, no it doesn’t necessarily mean the statistics themselves are flawed. But when considering information, one must always consider the source. In Catholic doctrine, divorce is wrong. If a strongly pro-womens lib group had looked at that same set of data, they might have chosen to spin the data another way, focusing on the detrimental effects of ‘deadbeat’ fathers or perhaps contrasting the effects of divorce on children with those of children from single moms by choice.
All I am trying to say is, always consider the source
Kelly
Jul 17, 2008 at 12:09 pm
In most cases the child is going to be better off in a single parent home than if their parents stayed together for their sake and were miserable.
Heidi - Sure, a two parent home is ideal simply for the reason that the more people there to love and support a child, the better. But families come in all shapes and sizes. There are plenty of two parent homes where the parents don’t spend quality time with the kids or show them enough love and affection. Just as there is that in some single parents homes, while others shower their kids with love and affection. It all comes down to that individual parent, and how they handle the situation they are in.
Children in families with bad parents will suffer, whether they are married or divorced.
Dr. Leah
Jul 17, 2008 at 1:07 pm
Christina: Of course, feel free to use as a post. Thanks!
Bryant
Aug 3, 2008 at 7:36 am
It seems intuitive that divorce is bad for children because it is so painful. If the adult, who can better deal with the pain and anxiety of suddenly changed lifestyle has trouble then certainly children do.
Having said that, there are some occasions where people must leave and to remain is worse than leaving.
You are correct, flat statements are often inaccurate. However we must never overlook the trauma that often, even usually, follows most divorces.
Have an opinion? Leave a comment: