Dr. Leah weighs in on children and divorce
I love Dr. Leah. If ever you need a level-headed perspective on life, go on over to Just Ask Dr. Leah and… ask. Her comment to yesterday’s musings on broken marriages and failing children was so spot on, I asked her if I could post it here for all to see:
Tags: children, divorce, Dr. Leah, single-mom, single-motherChildren born to single moms by choice are a whole different category. The outcome data–meaning how do these kids turn out–is positive and show no meaningful differences between SM - choice kids and kids born to heterosexual couples.
All divorce studies are confounded–not so clear cut like this article made it sound– by the sadly inevitable financial woes often experienced by the newly single divorced mother. Poverty is the issue not the divorce itself. Continued acrimony between the parents surely doesn’t help. Dads who split both financially and emotionally certainly contribute to the difficulties kids from divorced homes experience.
Lots of times kids get less supervision leading to problems because mom is working extra long hours to compensate for paltry or no child support and to make up for lost time in the work place.
The most important thing to remember is that statistics are not about you and your family. These data don’t predict anything about how your kids will turn out.
As Dr. Phil (not a psychologist - BTW) says, “It is better to be from a broken home than to live in a broken home.” I hate the term broken home, but the idea that living in constant bitterness and fighting like couples do who stay together “for the sake of the children” in reality do the kids little good and likely some emotional harm.
The only thing we can do is the best we can. And, likely, that what each of us is doing every day.
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POSTED IN: wisdom, words to live by
4 opinions for Dr. Leah weighs in on children and divorce
Morgan
Jul 18, 2008 at 10:08 am
I couldn’t agree more. My view has always been that the our children do not require a perfect “Mom and Dad Married” household in order to become thriving, successful adults. They just need our committed love and to see us happy and emotionally/spiritually healthy, so they can learn that no matter what life situation a person may be in, the power to be happy and proud of who they are is always theirs.
MZParks
Jul 18, 2008 at 1:29 pm
This comment by Dr. Leah is so full of common sense! Speaking as a single mom (divorce -and it wasn’t my idea), divorce can change the outcome for your kids, but you also have choices that can make it better or worse. You can take part in the “continued acrimony,” or you can do your best to keep the kids out of it and try to direct your own feelings of sadness, loss - and anger - into something more positive. It’s not easy, but it can be done. The financial stress and its attending problems (extra hours at work, less patience at home) were the hardest for me to deal with. The good news is that if you try, you can more than compensate for the negatives of divorce. My two sons are grown now. Both have successful careers, fulfilling lives, and sound relationships, both personal and on both sides of the family. Yes, there are the statistics, but its up to you to set your own goals for how you want your family to be. Doing your best to achieve those goals works.
Vinnie
Jul 18, 2008 at 3:25 pm
I often wonder if I would have been better off had my parents gotten divorced. It was not a happy household and I recognize baggage I carry on a daily basis because of it.
Tammy
Jul 21, 2008 at 2:20 pm
As always Dr. Leah tells it like it is; whether it’s what we want to hear or not. Thank you Dr. Leah for your insight.
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