every once in a while, I like to ask myself… single mother, how you doin’?
A friend called to say he is a teeny bit worried about me. I figure, as a single father, he might have some insight into what it’s like to take care of a kid and work and clean and do all those things that used to be divided between two. So when he says he’s worrying about me a little bit, I pay attention.
I’m thinking about it. I’m fine. Really, I’m fine. It’s the answer I give no matter what. I’m fine. But I’ll roll it around my tongue today, really trying it on for size… I think it does fit. I think I am fine. Tired. Pressed for time. But I’m fine. My focus was so purely on the health, happiness and well-being of my son those first six months past separation that it’s only now I feel I can pay a little more attention to myself.
So I’ll ask you, oh my single parent friends: how are you? How are you really? Does it still hurt, or do you find moments of utter glee when your heart shouts FREE! Are you valued, are you worthy? Are you kind to yourself? Are you kind to your children? I feel like I”m repeating myself too much. That my life, and all my experience and advice, has boiled down to: be kind, take time, find time, don’t sweat the small stuff, say yes as often as you can. What works for you? What makes this daily grind transcendent?
If I had to cram my life into a nutshell, I’d say I’m doing a one-woman carnival act, juggling a demanding, challenging, rewarding job, time with and for my son, household chores that never get done, while walking a tightrope trying to balance friendships and me time, the solitude I crave, the companionship my son needs. I’ve got all the plates in the air spinning merrily, and I remind myself that the guy on television who madly spins them never gives up: if one plate comes crashing down, he simply puts another one up there and spins spins spins.
Please. Tell me how you’re doing. Tell me how you do it. Tell me where you need help, and what you’d like to talk more about.
I’m going to go figure out how to work belly dancing into my schedule.
Tags: single-mom, single-mother, talk-about-single-motherhoodRelated Stories
POSTED IN: sanity
6 opinions for every once in a while, I like to ask myself… single mother, how you doin’?
rashmi
Apr 18, 2007 at 4:12 am
cristina dear life is aroller coaster for single women i dont know about you but i never seem to find time for myself life is abalancing act in my society there are no night outs its not safe to move alone at night so i still move out but in a bigger city but never without my daughter as i try to be with her for as much time aspossible cant depend on any body ours is a constant problem who can support us forever i like the time spent with my daughter i dont earn much so have to do everything myself the only time i laugh with glee on my being free is when we are free to move out to spend without taking any permissions but inspite of all difficulties will never trust any male ever again if i ever live my life again i will make my house on rocks and not on sand
America
Apr 19, 2007 at 2:47 am
I am in quite the unique single mother situation. My problems are really the opposite of yours. I get plenty of time with my son (yea!) to the point of burnout sometimes (though I have developed some coping mechanisms). His father is overly involved, to the point that I find it more difficult to move on (not that I am really ready for that - but if I happened to meet someone great, I am not in a position where I could go with it - and I would like to get there in case something great happens).
And then there is the career… I dumped science (or maybe I was the dumpee - hard to say) when my son was 1.5 years old and I can’t say I miss it. I scrape by on rental income from a housemate, some tango DJing and selling some kids clothes on the internet. I am just in a holding pattern until I figure out what I am going to do when I “grow up”.
But in the meantime, I just try to enjoy my son as much as I can and hold onto my sanity when I don’t.
Christina
Apr 19, 2007 at 6:58 am
Oh, wow, America. I think the distance is all that keeps us civil sometimes, my ex and I. I do wish he lived in the same city, though just the same state would be nice. Hell, I’d settle for the same continent! I was making ends meet pretty well just working temp jobs, but I can’t stand the uncertainty, especially since the ex is always late with child support and isn’t paying any alimony. I had to take this job. I’m glad I did… even if it’s so hard! But I wish I could spend more time with my son.
Christina
Apr 20, 2007 at 6:47 am
Rashmi, your words could be the thoughts in my head some times. I’m glad to see you here at SoloMother.
I don’t know how my life will unfold. I only know that it is a million times better than it was last spring.
Catherine
Apr 28, 2007 at 5:19 am
Million times better? Oh yes. I can’t belive how much emotional energy I wasted in my marriage, just getting by. I’ll be starting work in June so am dreading leaving my boys in daycare and seeing so little of them. But things are surprisingly good. Now if I could just win the lottery…….I always thought that it’s important to work for the stimulus - I think I’d just do crossword puzzles.
kris
Mar 1, 2008 at 6:35 pm
If I had to cram my life into a nutshell, I’d say I’m doing a one-woman carnival act, juggling a demanding, challenging, rewarding job, time with and for my son, household chores that never get done, while walking a tightrope trying to balance friendships and me time, the solitude I crave, the companionship my son needs. I’ve got all the plates in the air spinning merrily, and I remind myself that the guy on television who madly spins them never gives up: if one plate comes crashing down, he simply puts another one up there and spins spins spins.
This is me! Thank you for articulating it so nicely.
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