facing my fertility…
No more children for this single mom. I think I’ve been in a kind of mourning for this loss for about a week, now. This has been one of those big issues I’ve Not. Been. Writing. About. I suppose I’m just tired of cracking my skull on the elephant in the room.
Health, and age, and romantic status have all conspired to drive me to this bittersweet decision. I have to let go of some cherished hopes (a brother or sister for the King of Everything and I to love) and search for some other dream to chase (adoption, perhaps?).
I’ve only just realized that I took my fertility for granted. What an easy life I have had! I always assumed there would be enough time for another child. But there is not. The window of opportunity is closed. Somehow, in the coming weeks (monthsyears) I will have to find a place in my heart for this sadness. I will find another way to have a bright kitchen full of laughing children. I might even have someone closer to my own age to dance with as we do the dishes. But in many ways, no matter how we fill our little family, the KoE will be an only child. And that’s what really breaks my heart. He should have lots of siblings.
And I’ll never have that daughter I dreamed about.
So here, Kate, is my answer to your post about Coming to terms with family size and fertility.
Tags: family-size, fertility, only-child, single-mom, single-mommy, single-motherRelated Stories
POSTED IN: wisdom
8 opinions for facing my fertility…
Kate
Oct 12, 2007 at 3:27 am
Hugs.
ratphooey
Oct 12, 2007 at 5:05 am
As someone else who won’t have the dreamed-about daughter, I empathize.
ratphooey
Oct 12, 2007 at 5:07 am
Darn cat walking across the keys while I’m typing!
You’ll just have to create an extended family of friends. Which you’ve already been doing.
solofather
Oct 12, 2007 at 10:04 pm
Wait a minute - are you saying menopause has set in at 39?
christina
Oct 12, 2007 at 10:08 pm
Kate and Phooey, thank you so much for your kind words and all your support through this. It means so much to me. I really couldn’t have done it without you there in the world somewhere, sending me a kind thought.
christina
Oct 12, 2007 at 10:10 pm
Solofather, no, I’m not saying menopause at all. I’m saying there were other health issues that have led me to relenquish this dream as gracefully and as gently as I possibly can.
I am grateful, so grateful for the fact that I will be around for my son. That’s the most important thing. Insh’allah.
Angela
Oct 14, 2007 at 4:31 pm
At 37 years of age and w/my health at not the best that it could be I am content with the idea of not being pregnant. My last pregnancy really did a number on my body. It’s not easy going through that and especially when you wind up having Hashimoto’s Disease.
The other thing that I was thinking is that as much as my husband and I would LOVE to have a little boy we are content with the idea of only being able to have girls. We have 1 16 year old, 1 3 year old, and a 1 year old. All girls.
Part of me doesn’t want to be an empty nester at age 60 and then the other part of me wonders what it would be like to care for a little baby without actually having to go through all the body changes and chances that are associated with being pregnant in your late 30’s.
I am happy to know that I won’t be getting pregnant again. Making sure of that fact is another issue all together.
Thank you for writing about this.. as it’s something that I think about all the time only this time it’s nice to know of a different situation for somebody else. :)
angel
Oct 15, 2007 at 4:30 pm
big hugs christina…
and i so know where you’re coming from.
once long ago i thought there was enough time for me to meet someone and perhaps have another baby… like most things it gets a little easier to deal with over time.
Have an opinion? Leave a comment: