For all you mothers out there looking at 40 and beyond
September 29, 2008 by christina
I turned 40 this year. It sucked. It didn’t suck in the way I thought it would suck–being 40, in and of itself, is okay. It really does feel like the new 30, or whatever marketers are coming up with to distract us from the fact that our stocks just bombed, our parents’ life savings are down the tubes, Social Security is a joke, and our kids will never be able to afford college. Add to that a failed marriage, a single income, not even a home to call my own and mortgage to the hilt. On top of it all, I turned 40 this year.
I tried to write an upbeat email to my friend Amy over at Fannfare, who is facing a 40 of her own. It didn’t come out quite as cheery as I’d hoped it would, but I think it’s a watershed number for women everywhere… the waning of our fertility, the not so long view to 50. Are we being too hard on ourselves? Do we think we should be established in our careers and our families. We should be matriarchs. We should be successful… whatever that means. It’s such a rude realization to wake up after waiting all your life to be grown up and suddenly know: there’s no such thing as grown up. It never stops. You keep making mistakes, getting dinged up, dusted up, rolled around and pounced on by life’s surprises. I’d be worried if I ever thought to myself, “Well, now, I’ve arrived. I can just stop now.” Pushing daisies, sister. I might hurt, but damn, I’m alive, and I’m getting smarter every day. How’s about you?
Susan Courtad over at One Woman Show said it so well only a month ago:
Life is good for me, despite all da bizness , so I’m winding down my 30’s this weekend with a renewed attitude and outlook…plus a few beers, deep breathing techniques, good food and even better company. I want to thank you all for reading One-Woman Show and your great advice. I’m taking it to heart.
Lean into your tribe when you’ve got a corner to turn. Keeps you from losing your wheels.
(Photo: Cake by Nazreth on Stock.exchng)
Christina, You’re so right–”Grown-up” doesn’t exist, “success” is arbitrary. I read this post and wanted to bookmark it for when I turn 40 as an inspiring reminder that if you’re not getting dinged, you’re dead. But I won’t have this computer 6 years from now (I don’t think!) so I’ll just have to memorize the lesson and go from there. . .
–Christina
I’ll send you the tee shirt for your birthday: remember, if you’re not getting dinged, you’re probably dead.
That’s awesome. i turned 42 this year, where did the last 2 years go?? life has gotten crazier with a teenager and me back in school. success is subjective……………i just see what i’m still wanting out there and wondering if it really exists. so……if it doesn’t exist, i will create it or i don’t need it.
There’s nowhere to arrive to. (Bad grammar, I know, but I think you get what I mean)
For me being in my 40s, I’m just trying to be happy and grateful for all the good in my life. And you know what? I feel better about my life now than ever before.
Happy birthday!
“It’s such a rude realization to wake up after waiting all your life to be grown up and suddenly know: there’s no such thing as grown up. It never stops. You keep making mistakes, getting dinged up, dusted up, rolled around and pounced on by life’s surprises.”
So true, and beautifully written. Happy birthday!
Christina, thanks so much for the link and for finding me (even if it took us 40 years to find each other – ha!) You know, very little of what I expected to happen in my life to this point did and so much else has that I never imagined. If anything, I’ve learned that being fluid, adapting, learning and, in my opinion, finding (or trying to find) the best in your circumstances and others makes life a whole lot better, no matter what age. Forgiving yourself for not being perfect helps, too!
We really shouldn’t need marketing gimmicks to make us feel better about turning a certain age. It kind of irks me that we need to apologize for being 40 or 50 or whatever. As you said, hell, we’re alive and that’s an awfully good place to start!
S.