From the blogosphere: a look at divorce and families
Lorra Lynch, a reporter out in Macon, Georgia on WMAZ-TV Channel 13, ran a piece on the impact of divorce on families with children. It gives a ray of hope that families can heal after such traumatic events.
If you’re just beginning the struggle to recover from divorce, I recommend you practice patience, kindness, and understanding, both with your children, yourself, and your ex-spouse. This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover, or give into bad behavior out of a sense of guilt or obligation. Be loving, kind, and firm. Seek counseling, either for the entire family or as many members as will commit to the journey—even if you’re the only one.
Tags: divorce, divorce and children, Lorra Lynch, media coverage, single-mom, single-mother, televisionRelated Stories
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2 opinions for From the blogosphere: a look at divorce and families
JP
Mar 5, 2008 at 2:02 am
Hate to go all philosophical, but that’s how I process.
‘What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger’ is usually used as a stupid bromide. But there’s a broader context in which it make sense.
Divorce is traumatic. “They” say marriage doesn’t change anything, but it does; and divorce is the unmaking of something pretty profound. “Good” parents hide the pain before the divorce from their children, so the kids tend to be pretty baffled, even if they’re old enough to grasp the basic concept of divorce.
Trauma is an unmaking of the self, destructive of identity. If it wasn’t, it wouldn’t be traumatic. I believed I was a good spouse and a desirable partner — oops. I thought I was a good person, but at times I’m consumed with an angry desire for vengeance. For the child, it is even more confusing, not really having much of a conscious sense of self, but outside of the nuclear family, there’s not much self developed yet.
Gotta figure out who you are. Terribly sobering, that. Because who you are is surely NOT who you thought you were. A true moment of existentialism. Yet…
When one emerges on the other side, the new self has truly been tempered. The new identity is more resilient because it based less on definition in relation to another, more based on an existential definition and therefore less likely to be buffeted and battered by external events and actors.
The key question is how one gets through this process to emerge as an amotionally healthy individual. Adults benefit from help. Children require it. Doesn’t have to be professional, but it does have to involve, in my opinion, helping the traumatized individual to identify and value elements of the self of value.
In common parlance, one must realize: “I’m cool.”
Peace.
christina
Mar 5, 2008 at 3:40 am
JP, I love the way you think.
I’m so sick of being in the crucible. I want to be done already. But every time I bridle against Fate, life, love, and the hand I’ve dealt myself, I remember to relax, to bend, before I break. I’m trying to teach the Kid how to do that, too.
I have a sick kid… what’s your excuse for being up so late??
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