Solo Mother

Helping others

by christina on October 20th, 2006

Some advice for those of you who are bursting with desire to help someone you know who is having difficulties: ask if you can help. Ask how you can help. If the person is reluctant to suggest something specific, you should do it. It’s very difficult for me to take someone up on a vague offer of, “Let me know if I can help.” If you want to help, be specific.So, what kind of help would someone like me want? Besides… everything?

• Babysitting
• Dinner amongst family and friends
• Job leads
• Housing leads
• furniture
• Gift certificates for Mom — pedicures, facials, massages…
• Good Smelling Stuff. There’s nothing like a little aromatherapy to get your heart out of the basement. If you know what smells make her smile, show up at your favorite mom’s door with a basket of bath essentials
• Kid clothes (buy a size up, unless the mother tells you otherwise)
• toys (shh! not for me! for the KID). Something educational. Something without batteries. Something that came from your local museum (Keva planks are the coolest building system I’ve ever seen. I want. For me — never mind the kid!)
• play dates with the kid
• Offers to pick up the kid from school and do play dates
• Offers to drop by after the kid is in bed and keep me company.
• Did you notice that money isn’t on my list? It’s not for a bunch of reasons, not the least of which is I don’t want anyone to get the idea that I’m asking for money. I’m not. Another reason is because gifts of money can come with some serious guilt, obligations, and strings attached. If you are offering money to someone, be very clear about how much, and under what conditions, you are going to offer this cash. And if you promise someone money, don’t make them remind you about it.

If you know someone like me who is setting up house all over again, and starting from scratch, I’d recommend a gift basket of another sort: household items.

• Get a mop bucket and fill it with the essentials: all purpose cleaner (environmentally safe would be a great gift for her and everyone else on the planet), a few sponges, dish soap, floor soap, a mop, a whisk broom, a dust mop or a big broom. A Swifter is a great single mother gadget (did you know, folks out there are making recyclable/reusable Swifter cloths? it’s true!) Mrs. Meyers cleaning supplies smell heavenly — if I had lemon verbena everything, including dryer sheets, I’d be thrilled to do housework.
• Laundry basket gift could include detergent, softener, dryer sheets, a lingerie bag for washing the unmentionables without getting the pantyhose tangled up in everything else. An clothes steamer for getting the wrinkles out of the suit she was too tired to hang up — last week.
• Kitchen basket: throw in some of those nifty, nouveau nostalgia dish towels, a potholder or two. Practical utensils (you can never have too many spatulas) are great, but you know what would be really amazing? Spices. Herbs. If you go to one of those bulk warehouse places, you could buy the huge containers and just transfer some to a smaller jar to share. How about a cookie sheet, measuring cups and spoons, a jar of homemade cookie ingredients ready for some butter and eggs and a little bit of heat?
• A bath basket with luxuries for both mama and kids… start with a bath basket and fill it with fun soaps, washcloths, and bubbles. If you are feeling very generous, how about a bath sheet or two? You know a single mother on a shoestring budget is never going to spend the extra money to buy a towel that actually goes all the way around her and wraps her up snug.
• The, ‘You don’t need a man to fix it’ gift basket is a must for any household, whether there’s a man around or no. Basic tools, a good sized tool box with screws, nails, picture hanging equipment, epoxy, spackle, and, for when all else fails… a bigger hammer. Some Goof Off would be nice, too.

I’m sure there are hundreds of little things you can think of to ease your favorite single mom’s burdens. And for every good deed you do, the rewards come back three times as great. I know they do. So help the next person you meet who is having trouble. Spread the good Karma.

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POSTED IN: Spoil yourself, budget, cooking, divorce, finances, helping out, home repair, sanity