how can we empower all our children?
Tracee Sioux is our new Blog Fabulous writer, and she is that–fabulous. She is a woman who empowers her girls, and I applaud her efforts.
It left me a bit sad for our sons, though. Who is empowering them? I know there’s a perception out there that men have all the power and women are weaker, preyed upon, and in need of a boost of courage. But what if we began to really empower our boys and our men? What would happen? And what would it mean to truly empower the men in our lives? As a single mother of a son, this is a very important question for me. I would think that anyone who mourns the loss of a father, and anyone who chose to leave rather than endure ill-treatment at the hands of a man, is wondering how to teach their sons what it means to be empowered.
I was talking about it with a man-friend of mine, and to him the answer was simple. Give a boy something to love and be responsible for, to nourish and teach, protect and cherish, and he will blossom. Be it a simple flower in a pot, a vegetable garden in summer time, a fish in a bowl or a puppy to walk, give him something to guard, and protect. Give him something that will reward his kindness with love. We could all use a little more of that in our lives.
Tags: blog-fabulous, boy, boys, empowering-boys, empowering-girls, girl-power, single-mom, single-mommy, single-mother, Tracee-SiouxRelated Stories
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10 opinions for how can we empower all our children?
Rory
Apr 19, 2007 at 1:49 am
I like this answer(from Raising Cain): We expect too much, and we expect too little, of boys - we demand more at times than they are developmentally able to give while at the same time lowering expectations of self-control, empathy, emotional honesty and moral responsibility.
Here are Kindlon and Thompson’s 7 points, What Boys Need.
1. Permission for an internal life, approval for the full range of human emotions and help in developing an emotional vocabulary.
2. Recognise and accept the high level of activity in boys.
3. Talk to boys in their language. Be direct with them. Use them as consultants and problem solvers.
4. Teach boys that emotional courage is courage, and that courage and empathy are the sources of real strength in life.
5. Use discipline to build character and conscience, not enemies.
6. Model a manhood of emotional attachment.
7. Teach boys that there are many ways to be a man.
With that in mind, your friend is part way there - but also not to be afraid to accept and validate all their feelings, the whole range of emotions. There is a danger of boys becoming emotionally illiterate. With empathy this can be avoided.
Although it is wonderful to have a positive male influence, I believe all this can be accomplished even without one. Mum’s are in a powerful position to teach emotional “literacy”.
Christina
Apr 19, 2007 at 7:00 am
Thanks, Rory. I couldn’t find my copy of Raising Cain. I think all parents have to be very careful about how they deal with their sons’ emotional sides. I also try very hard to teach my child empathy, to understand how others feel, and to do no harm.
Char
Apr 19, 2007 at 2:29 pm
I think so much of it comes down to you are important, your thoughts and emotions are also important, and then giving them the tools to deal with the emotions and situations they find themselves in daily.
Christina
Apr 20, 2007 at 6:39 am
Yes, Char, that’s exactly right. A boy might not break down and sob when his heard it broken, but we should be mindful of the fact that life hurts, and a boy should be allowed to experience his emotionds and move through them–not be told to bottle them up and stuff them.
I think it also has a lot to do with positive discipline. Praise what a child does right, and help fix what goes wrong. Life is learning, and punishment teaches a child to not get caught or to take no risks in life.
Casual Keystrokes » Friday Wrap Up
Apr 20, 2007 at 8:13 am
[...] Christina at SoloMother talks about how to empower all our children - especially our boys. [...]
Tracee Sioux
May 8, 2007 at 4:27 pm
Thanks for the kind mention Christina.
I have a son, but he’s only one. So far I haven’t been too concerned about empowering him, as he’s pretty sheltered from society. Perhaps there are a lot of issues out there that are specific to boys that I will come to understand in the future. But, so far I am far less concerned about his prospects than I am for my daughter.
Having been born male and having two educated parents in the United States of America seems to me to have provided him with a massive head start in life. His potential is wide open. All he has to do is look around and see that he could be President of the country or a corporation or any other thing he chooses to do. http://traceesioux.blogspot.com/2007/01/shut-up-john-mayer-stop-waiting-for.html
My daughter isn’t surrounded by the same prosperity in her gender. Therefore, I focus more on empowering her to believe in her potential.
Although I have to agree with some of the posters, it is rediculous to raise boys to be emotionally repressed. Don’t we all just wonder sometimes what life would be like if men had some access to their inner selves and would permit themselves to express that?
Karrine
May 29, 2007 at 12:15 pm
This is great -as a mother of two boys - I love the support and help your original post and the comments have provided.
christina
May 29, 2007 at 2:58 pm
Karrine, I’ve been having some interesting conversations with my manfriends lately, and we’ve been lamenting the mixed signals boys have been getting about what it means to be a man. I hope we can honor the differences between boys and girls, celebrate those differences, and give our children the tools they need to make the best of who they are. That’s what I hope. And let’s face it, I like having the door held for me. ;-)
Amber
Jun 3, 2007 at 4:17 pm
A friend of mine and I have recently started conducting children’s classes focusing on character development and virtues for the ages 0-3. We started this because we couldn’t find anything in our area that offered this. One of the themes for our upcoming class is Courage. I was surfing the web for ideas and found your site. Just wanted to remark on how happy I am to hear other people commenting on the importance of not only raising our girls with courage but to also raise our boys with empathy and love…..I got my two year old son a baby boy doll to cuddle and love. I thought it would be good to help him learn how to be gentle with those weaker and smaller than him. Now he sleeps with the baby…is concerned when he finds the baby on the floor discarded and loves to feed and nurture his doll. My husband at first wasn’t sure about the idea but he sees now that we are actually preparing him for becoming a big brother and some day even becoming a father. I don’t know if this will affect him in any way later on in life…but I’ve noticed a difference between my son and those in our playgroup. My son is much more aware of the smaller children around him and sensitive to babies crying…although he is quite assertive and rough with children his own age or older. With all the stimuli out there for our kids…it’s easy to forget that social expectations of what is manly and what is feminine are often defined for us by the media we are exposed to. So it might help to foster gentleness in our boys and strength in our girls at home to help balance it out. I don’t know…I’m still new at this….just taking it one step at a time and hoping that some how, as a mother, I’ll be successful in providing my children with what they need for life.
christina
Jun 3, 2007 at 8:22 pm
Amber, the baby dolls for boys is a wonderful way to encourage them to nurture and care. Please let me know how your class evolves, I’m very interested in it!
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