How much does it cost to raise a child?
Basically, that’s the question my ex wanted me to answer when he called this morning. Only, he didn’t ask, “How much do you need?”
He asked, “How much do you make?”
I can’t answer that question. I make an hourly rate, per assignment. When I’m not working, I don’t get paid. I don’t have health insurance, life insurance, 401K or savings. I have three pairs of trousers and a couple of sweaters. I don’t spend money on myself… so I’d say that a good 70% of my expenditures are for the Kid. I rented a house. If I were single without kid, I’d have rented an efficiency and saved myself $800/month.
The USDA’s publication, Expenditures on Children by Families, 2005, has some interesting things to say about single versus two parent families, including this eye-opener:
Income groups of single-parent households (before-tax income under $31,000 and $31,000 and over in 1992 dollars; these income groups are inflated to 2005 dollars in the table) were selected to correspond with the income groups used for husband-wife households. This income includes child support payments. The two higher income groups of two-parent families (income between $31,000 and $52,160 and over $52,160 in 1992 dollars) were combined because only 17 percent of single-parent households had a before-tax income of $31,000 and over. The sample was weighted to reflect the U.S. population of interest.
The emphasis is mine. Only 17 percent of single parent households, 90 percent of which are headed by women, make more than $2583 a month… before taxes? And these figures are based on households with two children.
From elsewhere in the publication, I pull this gem:
For the lower income group (2005 before-tax income less than $43,200), a comparison of estimated expenditures on the younger child in a two-child, single-parent family with those in a husband-wife family is presented in table 10; as previously discussed, 83 percent of single-parent families and 33 percent of husband-wife families were in this lower income group. Total expenditures on a child up to age 18 were, on average, 5 percent lower in single-parent households than in two-parent households. But more single-parent than husband-wife families fell in the bottom range of this lower income group. Average income for single-parent families in the lower income group was $18,100, compared with $26,900 for husband-wife families. Single-parent families in this lower income group, therefore, spend a larger proportion of their income on their children. On average, child-related housing expenses were higher, whereas expenditures on transportation, health care, child care and education, and miscellaneous goods and services were lower in single-parent families. Child-related food and clothing expenditures were similar, on average, in single-parent and in two-parent families.
No wonder children from ‘broken homes’ are having such a hard time making it. They don’t have the resources, the basic necessities. Yeah, I know, a child needs a father. It looks as though a child needs a whole world of stability that two people in a commited relationship can give: financial, emotional, physical.
According to this publication, I should expect to spend $15,100 on my child in a year. By my calculations, I’m going to spend slightly more than that. The way I figure it, his portion of the house I rented is the amount over what I would have paid for a one bedroom or efficiency, had I not been the primary caregiver. Let’s say, $600/month.
If I weren’t responsible for him, I’d be eating any old thing, whatever was on sale. But I’m concerned abotu where our food comes from, and what we’re putting into it in the name of profit, so I shop at the farmers’ markets, and the local organic store, and am considering buying into a farm co-op this spring. I’d say his share of the groceries comes to $300/month. I could cut that down, but why would I feed him crap if I can make ends meet and still buy organic?
I spend about $50/month on clothes and shoes for him. He’s growing like a weed, loses mittens every week, and has Really Big Feet. The clothes we were gifted when we got off the plane two months ago are already too short on him. I shop at thrift stores for him and am making due with three pairs of trousers in my own closet. He is the proud owner of nine pairs of swank Thomas the Train, Spiderman, and Cars undies, thanks to Laura. We’ll get by somehow.
Single entertainments like movies, puppet shows, all that stuff? We haven’t spent a dime on it, but I’d love to be able to include things like that in his mental diet. Toys? We don’t really have any. Slowly but surely going to fix that. And we’re both voracious readers, which means we need a book budget. But what’s reasonable? $50/month? More? Less? I have no idea. Books are not a luxury. Experiences that make my child’s mind sing with possibilities is not a luxury.
Health insurance, education, emergencies, etc? No idea. Probably $300/month. Quality child care is going to put me through the roof, but my kid needs some fun, some smaller group dynamics, some special attention. I hope I can afford to give it to him.
This puts me at $15,600 for the year. And that’s conservative. Sigh.
Tags: budget, cost, cost-of-raising-child, finances, kid, single-mom, single-mother, single-parentRelated Stories
POSTED IN: budget, child support
43 opinions for How much does it cost to raise a child?
Kate
Dec 4, 2006 at 5:03 am
I think what your ex really wanted to say was, “You can get by without my contribution.”
You can’t.
I think when you’re in negotiations over support or any other financial issue, the emphasis has to be on the cost of the big ones: food, clothing, shelter, and transportation.
Your Ex needs to hear that medical insurance alone is $300 a month, that daycare is $900, a bus pass is $95, etc.
For the most part, child support is the difference between a mother and child sharing a one bedroom apartment (many single mothers sleep on pull-out couches while the kids get the room), between there being health insurance or not, and the difference between a mother being able to work and one that needs to go on social assistance.
Carrie
Dec 4, 2006 at 11:11 am
My ex-husband is having a baby with his fiance this month. His child support drops from $AU#375 a month to $AU100. Which to me feels like he is cheating his first daughter. We already struggle to make ends meet… She needs new shoes (big feet for this Tiger to) and I can’t find the money for them now! Let alone when the money from him drops so dramatically. I asked him the other day if he could pay it four days earlier, when he dropped Tiger off from his weekend. I said she just had her birthday party, and we spent a lot of money on food for everyone. He said no, it is due on the first, he will give it to us on the first (we are a one hour trip away). Ass. He called on Friday the 1st, and SAID (not asked!!) he would drop the money off on Sat, as he was busy with work. I just told him it was due on the first, he had to drop it off that day. NO MORE FAVOURS!! Sorry guys - I just wrote war and peace :P But the subject of money paid FOR THE KIDS irks me…
Rant over…
xxx
christina
Dec 4, 2006 at 1:43 pm
AGH! that’s so… wrong. How does having a second child suddenly reduce the first child’s needs and rights? Does she suddenly not need to go to the doctor, or wear comfortable clothes, or recieve new books, now that there’s a second child in her father’s life? her needs don’t change. His priorities obviously have.
How sad. What a waste. Is it legal? How can a court decide that your daughter doesn’t need as much??
What size feet does your little one have? I’m half tempted to send over a box of my kid’s extra wide shoes if they’ll fit your daughter!
Carrie
Dec 5, 2006 at 3:19 am
Haha, I know!! I thought it to be incredibly wrong to. It is the standard child support rules set out by the child support agency of Australia. It stinks.
Over here you have to pay 18% of your wage for child support. Then it gets reduced if you have more kids. So I guess the motto is - have your kids with an incredibly rich man. My ex cheated on his taxes, so by law he only has to give us $20 a month. I threatened to report him if he didn’t pay what he was supposed to. So we are definately luckier than some..
And we are close to some great libraries, and parks. And the beach is only a short drive away.
So entertainment wise we are doing okay :-)
And thank you for the offer of shoes :P But I think we’d go broke even THINKING about shipping costs!! hahahaha
We generally do okay. Just sometimes the extras are forgotten and aren’t budgeted for..
Thanks for your support :-) I appreciate it.
xxx
christina
Dec 5, 2006 at 11:40 am
Kate, when i was first trying to figure out how to be a single mother, my game plan was exactly that: one bedroom basement apartment with pull-out sleep sofa, and the kid gets the room.
On one of our trips back to the US, a kind woman let us stay in her vacant, fully furnished little one bedroom basement apartment. We lived there for two or three weeks in exactly that kind of arrangement. It was sweet, and imminently doable with a toddler. We had a little table, just for two. A bed, a sleep sofa, a television. There wasn’t much, but what there was… just right. We could have been happy in such circumstances for a year.
Now I’m stressed out trying to cover that extra rent money I’m spending on a two bedroom house. The utilities. The extra security that having a ‘normal’ life gives my son, and the outward trappings it lends me of having it all together. No one knows he’s been wearing handmedown underwear, or that the turtleneck under my sweater has a four inch hole in the seam.
We still call that place ‘the magic yellow house’.
I can’t get by without the ex’s contribution to his son’s welfare. Any one monthly expense for the kid is most of what the ex sends now. We’re talking necessities.
Rebecca
Dec 5, 2006 at 11:40 am
Here in Wisconsin child support is 17% for one child and 25% for two. My ex is self employed so I do not have an employer to garnish his wages. Luckily he has been very good about sending in his check every month. Not so luckily, he hides most of his income. I get 25% of what he CLAIMS is his income…but we all know it should be more.
Christina- we are also avid readers - I have SO. MANY. BOOKS. I would love to send some…childrens and adult titles…
christina
Dec 5, 2006 at 11:41 am
Carrie, I don’t care about shipping costs. LOL I’m staring at a perfectly lovely pair of red Keds my son can’t wear any more.
Hang in there. I wish I COULD help!!
christina
Dec 5, 2006 at 12:20 pm
Rebecca, here’s where the pot calls the kettle black. It costs money to ship books. How about this… you send me titles of your favorite books, for people big and small, and I can go to the used bookstore and look them up.
If you want to have fun passing along books… I think this is a brilliant idea: http://www.bookcrossing.com/
You release your books into the wild, with a tracking number to see where it goes and who enjoys it.
Megan
Dec 14, 2006 at 11:01 pm
I’ve read all of your situations and I feel for you girls too. I’m a single mom of one trying to raise my little boy and finish school at the same time. His father pays his child support but we all no 50 dollars isn’t enough. It doesn’t even cover have of my childs needs. But atleast I get that right. If only the shoe were on the other foot, then they might realize what we go through everytime a bill comes and at the same time we’ve realized that the kids cloths dont fit anymore or the car breakes down or theres only one diaper left and no money left in the account. I’ve learn that it’s not going to be easy but I’ll get through it some how and make things better for my son one day. Good luck to all of you.
christina
Dec 14, 2006 at 11:18 pm
Megan, dayum, I’m in awe of the finish school ambitions, you rock. I’m sorry things are difficult for you, too, but at least our children have strong mothers who will protect and take care of them, no matter what. Keep in touch and let us know how it’s going! And we’ll celebrate when you graduate!
Mary
Jan 24, 2007 at 11:59 am
I was looking up what the total cost would be to raise a child to the age of 17. My son is 14 and we have struggled those 14 years trying to survive with what tiny bit of child support I get, might as well be nothing. I am one of those under $18,000 a year single parents and my son and myself have done without a lot of things through that 14 years. Now that he is in High School the cost has doubled so I talk to his father, who still owes me a little under $20,000 in back child support and still thinks he should pay a measley $226 a month in help to support our son. So when I tell him I need more money, he says well I have to pay my bills to. Well boo hoo to you jerk, you have no other children, excuse me if you have to do without fishing, gambling and whatever else you may spend your money on. For the most part he screwed up our marriage not me, he was abusive and a drinker I could not raise my son in that environment but yet the state thinks his measley $226 a month is enough child support. I tell his father constantly that he has no idea what it cost to raise a child, none, so I sent him the link from the USDA state how much it does cost. Anyway this single parent of 14 years had to vent. Still struggling to give my son what he needs and in 3 years he wants to go to college. Hope he gets some good scholarships I thank god he makes A’s and B’s.
Still frustrated with ex after 14 years!
christina
Jan 27, 2007 at 11:41 pm
Mary, it’s taken me a few days to get back to you because hell, what can I say?? I wish I had some magic answer for you. At this point, all I can say is, “That sucks.”
all you can do to ensure that you can provide for your child is to improve yourself. like we’ve got the time and money to go back to school. Sigh. I hear you, lady. I really do.
When will parents understand that child support isn’t about shafting the non-custodial parent, but really and truly about helping to raise a child?
Meghan
Jan 28, 2007 at 2:25 am
Christina, thanks for linking me to your site via postsecret. I am only 6 months free of my 16 month old daughter’s dad, and have yet to see diapers and wipes as promised in lieu of child support. I’m scared to go to court to ask for custody or support because I am living with my parents and they allow me to stay at home with her until they sell their house. I am scared to be on my own, and worried about what will happen to us.
While $20 isn’t much, that $20 can mean gas in the car to go to the WIC office, which I really need to do.
I’m so sorry for all moms jilted by fathers who just. don’t. get. it.
christina
Jan 28, 2007 at 10:56 am
Wouldn’t your parents support your decision to persue your rights to support, and certainly custody?
Do some research in your area on free legal cousel. There are some links in this post about divorce lawyers that will help you find what you need, without breaking your bank.
It’s hard. It’s terribly hard. The best thing you can do is figure out how to get more education so you can get a great job and not rely upon the father of your child for anything.
Meghan
Jan 28, 2007 at 11:09 am
Christina, thanks for the link, but I was never married to her father. I’m dicovering my options right now, and have a few friends to network with to get me started toward a career not just a job.
I have my associates degree, just need to figure out how to get a BA now.
christina
Jan 28, 2007 at 11:17 am
custody issues are the same, whether married or no. You have the right to a lawyer, or you could see if you can find a mediator, if you’d rather. But do look into the legal options, now, rather than later.
There are scholarships for women, for mothers, for single mothers. they are out there. You can do it!
Leslie
Jan 29, 2007 at 7:20 pm
I feel very fortunate to live where housing is pretty affordable (well I’m trailer folk haha but hey it’s home). Even still the full year I didn’t receive a dime was unbearable, it hurts just thinking about others going through it. I work 2 jobs so people think I must be doing well–I’m not and like any single parent wants the guilt that comes with being gone with 1 job let alone 2! *sigh* But anyway, no amount of support really includes the “extras” that to me shouldn’t be extras. As mine gets older he needs to be able to get involved in activities, find his nitch and good role models that he can’t get from me :(
(I’ve got a whole bag of outgrown shoes! Maybe there was a reason they didn’t sell in the garage sale)
christina
Jan 29, 2007 at 9:47 pm
Leslie, I know about trailers. Some of my happiest summers were spent in a trailer in the woods. I’m sorry you have to work so much. I wish it were easier.
Megan
Jan 29, 2007 at 9:54 pm
Meghan,I understand what your going through when I first left my sons father I was afriad to go after child support and custody because I too live at home with my parents. My ex ended up agreeing to the custody terms and child support outside of court so I lucked out. His father showed no interest in my son until he found out that I have a new boyfriend that spends more time with his son then he does. It’s tough but I dont see any reason why any judge would not give you custody.
Leslie
Jan 30, 2007 at 11:36 am
Thanks Christina, I’m definitely not complaining–I love my second job–wish it was just my first. I think it’s just more the people around you that just don’t get it. Or the exs that change jobs like underwear.
I also want to add how crazy some of the child support laws are–AUS especially! What a bunch of crap. I feel blessed to at least have some constancy here in Indiana.
Alyson
May 29, 2007 at 2:26 pm
my mother waited until she was 34 to have me and 36 to have my brother. she had completed medical school, started her own practice and bought a house. she knew from her own childhood that marriages don’t work out and that you can’t depend on a man to do your job. my father was a loser and left after 4 years. he never had to pay child support and on top of that my mom had to pay him “alimony” for the first two years after divorce. my mom told me never to have kids unless i can support them on my income alone. that’s why i’m waiting until i’m older and have a more stable income. All the women on here complain that their husbands aren’t paying enough for child support. What the hell were you doing with your income during the marriage…or maybe you weren’t even working. it’s your own fault for not having money in savings for such an emergency like a divorce. you’re the mother, you take care of the child. i’m guessing the reason you are so dependent on your ex-husband’s income is because you were too stupid to get an education and a good job before you got married and had a kid. no wonder your husband left you. i’m very resentful that i had to completely financially support my ex-boyfriend during our relationship. that’s why i broke up and kicked him out. i can only imagine how much worse it is for these men b/c they are supporting you and your kids. you’re single parents now act like it. if your exes were hit by a bus then what??? no checks coming from the graveyard. grow up. you’ve got kids to set an example for now. it pisses me off to see 3 generations of women on welfare b/c no one wants to work. they expect a man to do everything. women like you ruin it for women like me.
christina
May 29, 2007 at 2:56 pm
Alyson, who are you railing against, here? I don’t see anyone on this site behaving the way you describe. The women who find Solomother are hard workers who don’t depend on their childrens’ fathers for their income.
Fact is, some women give up their careers to stay home and raise children. It’s a job you work 24 hours a day, seven days a week, with little or no pay. If a split comes when a woman has made taking care of the children and the home her job, what happens then? I find your attitude, and your language, far too disparaging and harsh for the realities of life. Sure. Some women try to work the system. Some men, too. Why don’t you try to see the world though more forgiving eyes and let some of that bitter anger go?
Most of the women on Solomother are complaining that their exes, who have promised some financial support, are not living up to their promises. Big difference. Grow up.
Leslie
May 29, 2007 at 3:12 pm
There’s quite a difference in supporting a boyfriend by choice and 2 parties entering into a legal partnership when money is shared and you are supposed to be supporting each other, whether financially, running the house, raising kids etc.
The women here are tremendous, successful & professional, making the best out of bad situations. I’m sorry that success stories like these ladies here are ruining things for you.
christina
May 29, 2007 at 3:21 pm
:) thanks, Leslie. You’re much more diplomatic than I am. How are you doing, btw?
Carrie
May 29, 2007 at 11:06 pm
Hey Alyson,
I’m sorry you feel that way, when I was with my husband I thought love would be enough. Apparently I was wrong, naive perhaps. I feel it is unfair simply because HE wanted a child to. He had sex. He promised it was his responsibility to provide for our child. It was mine to nurture. WHy should this change simply because we broke up? Why should he live a lifestyle which he is able to choose, while my daughter and I suffer on a pension while I study for a degree fulltime by correspondance so that one day we can possibly make it to middle class?
Maybe you are right, maybe all the 50% of marriages that fail are the womans fault, maybe all the destitute single parent families in the world are due to the simple fact of the woman not stealing from a communal bank account Just In Case. Maybe however, you should not judge those of us you do not know in person, you do not know our battles. Just as we don’t know yours.
Again, I am sorry for writing a novel!! xxx
Leslie
May 30, 2007 at 9:02 am
ha thanks, still exhausted from spending every minute of the weekend outside but doing good :)
Matthew
Sep 19, 2007 at 8:30 pm
I have read all your posts and felt like commenting, not on anything specific, but to let you all know that there are men out there that take care of there responsibilites as parents. I for one, am 22 and never went to college, I have been married to my wife for 2 years and have a 2 year old son. My wife does not work and will be going to school here in the very near future. We also have another child on the way. I have worked 20 hours a day at some of my jobs and did whatever it took to support my family. I love and understand my responsibilties as a parent and husband. :)
christina
Sep 19, 2007 at 8:49 pm
Thank you Matthew. I’m glad you and all those hundreds and thousands and millions of dads out there are loving their families and doing what’s good and right.
And I do believe in fathers, parenthood, marriage, and all those good things. You’re one of the many reasons why I do.
debra
Sep 25, 2007 at 4:59 pm
I have 6 children. For our whole family, dogs included I spend roughly $25k a year. This does not include housing- which we chose to move to a state that we could get a large house on land for half the price of the state we were living in. I thrift, I make note of their annual and monthly sales and stock up on new looking clothes and shoes.. I use freecycle, craigslist and places like that for furniture and other things. Somethings we do buy new. I am a fiber artist so I am always buying yarn, fiber, and supplies. We homeschool our children so I have curriculum to purchase- but I barter a lot.. I just bartered a handmade shawl for a $300 program for my teens.
I hand down a lot. the $25k also includes bday and Christmas gifts for everyone- outside family and friends as well.
It can be done and we are not paupers. My husband makes a good income we just choose to live simply.. These lists make it appear that it costs that much when in reality for a lot of people it just doesn’t.
blessings, debra
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Jan 16, 2008 at 10:51 am
[...] Solo Mother - How much does it cost to raise a child? [...]
Vivian
Aug 10, 2008 at 9:09 pm
Sorry to hear about your situations, but you are so hypocritical. Society today worries only about the poor single moms, and not about the dads who very often are the real victims.
You’re struggling with diapers? Then use cloth diapers!! You have to buy books? Use the library!!
I understand that you wish you could squeeze out every penny of your ex, but he is just that. Your ex. You have the kid 90% of the time, give the father a break to move on with his life! If he wants to be a part of the kid’s life, great! If not, then leave him be and don’t try to pretend like you have a right to get his money for a kid that most likely is in his PAST, and that he does not WANT. It’s your kid now, live with it!
christina
Aug 10, 2008 at 9:37 pm
Hi, Vivian. How nice of you to have been so snap-judgemental of me. How many of the solomother posts have you read? I am very sympathetic to the fathers of children who want to be involved in their childrens’ lives. My ex is on a very nice vacation in the south of France right now and hasn’t paid child support in over five months. He doesn’t even pay a large sum every month. I have not ’squeezed every penny’ out of him, nor have I asked for alimony.
I hope that whatever has you so angry is resolved some day. I’ll hold you in my thoughts and hope your bitterness subsides.
Leslie
Aug 11, 2008 at 10:18 am
“Move on with his life”? What about the life or lives he create and wants to leave behind so he can go “live”? Divorce or a breakup doesn’t erase the humans that go along with it.
Lynn
Aug 11, 2008 at 3:04 pm
Oh my, Vivian. Do you really think it is ok for any mom or dad to just ‘not want’ their child anymore? Once one is ‘done’ with that part of their life, one can just pretend the child doesn’t exist anymore? Do you have any children? When a couple has a child, they agree on some level to put aside some of their needs in order that their child can have his needs met as long as he is a minor. Their joint responsibility does not end if they divorce. It is not the mother that has any ‘right’ to the father’s money….it is the child –vis-a-vis the custodial parent. The custodial parent (who is almost always a working parent) fulfills his/her responsibility to the child both financially and by supervising and nurturing that child on a daily basis. I would argue that this contribution is worth far more than any financial support, but that a lack of outside support makes it nearly impossible to do the job well.
One last comment– Once the cost of laundering cloth diapers is part of the equation, cloth diapers are often not the less expensive alternative.
vivian
Aug 15, 2008 at 11:03 am
Yes, I strongly believe that a parent who very rarely sees his/her child should decide for themselves how much child support they pay. They do not have the same responsibility for the child as the custodial parent, so don’t expect them to split the costs of raising the child.
If you see the child every day, of course you want what’s best for him/her, but when you do not have your child living with you, you do NOT willingly give away 25% of your check to your ex. This is an idiotic school of thought, and brings only bitterness on the non-custodial side of the matter, making them even less likely to take part in their child’s life.
If anyone leaves their child without supporting them, they should have a guilty conscience. But whether they do or not, should be a private matter and be kept out of the courts.
As a side note, if you take the time to get a wash board and fill the sink (instead of running the machine with two pieces of cloth in it), cloth diapers are immensly cheaper than regular. If the issue is finances, practical thinking scores high.
SoloMother
Aug 15, 2008 at 11:19 am
Vivian, you certainly have an interesting point of view in this matter.
I know fathers who make incredible sacrifices for their children, paying exorbitant sums every month, driving all over creation to be with their kids, moving whenever the mother moves, whatever it takes. I know men who had affairs and abandoned their children without a second glance. Nothing is as simple as you would like it to be.
Cloth diapers are a good theory not so easily put into practice. Think of the initial outlay. Certainly, resourceful moms with a wide network of other mothers who ALSO cloth diaper can find ‘handmedown’ diapers for less, but the initial cost outlay to purchase enough cloth diapers for a baby is often higher than a single mother can afford. Hell, it’s often more than families can afford. Take into account again that most single mothers receive insufficient support from the father of the child, and subsequently have to work. The child goes to daycare. I don’t know many daycares willing to deal with cloth diapers. The mother would have to buy disposables, anyway.
You have some pretty inflexible opinions, Vivian. I hope you find a way to see around your own rigid borders.
Leslie
Aug 15, 2008 at 11:26 am
That is some wacky logic. It’s not about the parent - support provides for the child. If we as single parents didn’t have to provide for little ones (who grow to big ones eating us out of house and home ha) we wouldn’t be paying for extra space in the apartment, more food in the cupboard, school or daycare expenses and so on. That money doesn’t provide us with anything - we’re using that support for our kids things we wouldn’t be spending a cent on otherwise let alone nearly all of our income. So for a deadbeat to feel they don’t *need* to support that child they created is not acceptable, there’s just know way around it.
Where does your opinions on this come from Vivian? I have my guesses but I don’t want to make assumptions unfairly.
“If you see the child every day, of course you want what’s best for him/her, but when you do not have your child living with you, you do NOT willingly give away 25% of your check to your ex. This is an idiotic school of thought, and brings only bitterness on the non-custodial side of the matter, making them even less likely to take part in their child’s life.”
Whoever the non-custodial parent in this scenario is, they need to grow up. If you love your kid, you suck it up and put aside parenting differences and spend time with them, be involved. Is it easy, no - worth it, yes.
It’s sad but if we were talking about a dog someone bought and didn’t feel like taking care of and left with someone else, people would be up in arms - but a child, oh well, let the other parent handle it. Society accepts this crap, but don’t expect me to.
SoloMother
Aug 15, 2008 at 12:13 pm
Thank you, Leslie. I’m always grateful to how gentle our solomothers are when things like this crop up. I know so many non-custodial parents who do so much to stay in touch with their kids, despite all.
Caleb
Nov 2, 2008 at 10:25 am
Gee Vivian, what lovely morals and family values you must in instilling in your sons and daughters….Someone had to say it :p
Ladies hang in there,
As the son of a single mother (of five) myself i can say the amount of love and respect i have for her is beyond words.
Believe in yourselves, support each other and keep going :-)
christina
Nov 4, 2008 at 12:55 am
Hi, Caleb. Thanks for weighing in here. I think you’ve got it just about right. Keep going. It’s harder to hit a moving target ;-)
I’m up before the sun tomorrow. this witching hour has wrung. And I do mean wrung.
Chepo
May 27, 2009 at 2:59 pm
Hi,
I ran across this article looking for some logic from the female side. I am a divorced father. Where I don’t agree is why does child support increase? Let me explain my situation.
The problems I had in my marriage were caused by money, or the lack off. This set off other frustrations. In the end, after 6 years, our marriage was over. She moved on; I can understand why in a sense, since really I couldn’t give my family a good life style, or the one she wanted only making 33k a year (family of 3 {wife, child, me}).
I am not one of those deadbeats that cheated on his wife or doesn’t care to see their child. Things just didn’t work out for reasons that could have been worked through if we both had patients, but that is not my daughters fault so I will not take it out on her (by not paying child support or visiting her at school). It has now been a little over 4 yrs since the divorce. I have been asking my ex for more time. I get off from work at by 3 so I can pick her up from school any day of the week and can drop her off to her mother by 530-6pm when she gets home. All she tells me is no! That it’s not what the divorce decree says. If my friends or family is having a party for their kids I can’t even ask to have my daughter for a couple of hours. On my off week, I have her on Monday for 2 hours. I have asked to extend that to 4 hours, the answer is no. What frustrates me is the selfishness. This brings me to my question regarding child support.
1) The whole time we were married I only made 33-35k a year. When we separated for the last time, I ended up taking a job that instead of salary was hourly with OT. Because I was working 55 hours a week, now child support was based on OT and not my hourly wage. Why? OT is not a guarantee. I dealt with it. I didn’t argue when I went down to 45 hours a week for a period of time since my lawyer told me it would cost me $1500 to take her back before the three year mark (would have only saved about 100 a month. 1500+ waiting for the court date wasn’t going to save me anything).
2) Within two years from the divorce, I changed jobs again, went back to salary but making more money for the year. On the third year, the ex took me back to court and raised the child support. Why is it that when I increase, the cost to raise my child increases? Yet we never made this much money while we were married. Yet she can still be at the same spot, take low paying jobs because of no education making same money as she did before marriage? Did I mention she got remarried 1yr 8m after our divorce; guy has not kids so now she has two incomes. So point is I make more money now, after three years on my own, and child support increases for me?
3) Above someone mentioned something regarding their ex having another baby and child support being brought down for the first child and asking the question…is the first child not as important anymore (not exact words). Look at it in another way. Present day, I now make more than 60k….I know I make more money than my ex and her husband combined (I went back to school and finished my degree). In three months I can get taken back to court (every 3 yrs) to raise child support. I’m dreading the day. Here is what I THINK is going to happen. They will see what I currently make and adjust the child support. end of story. Again..Why do I increase and it cost more to raise my daughter? And now here is a bigger question. If my child support is going to be adjusted at let’s say 75k a year salary, then why is it okay for their second child to be raised off of 52k a year? Where is the logic in that? Why does it take more money to raise my child than my ex’s second? Age difference? My daughter is in school. There is no more diapers, daycares, etc…
I know a lot of women out there (friends and family) who wish their child’s father would ask for more time or would even show up on time. They don’t wish if for them, but for their kids. Why can’t she see that she isn’t hurting me so much by taking my time away, but she is hurting our child. For now, all I can do is eat lunch with her at school and just have the time I have. I just have been frustrated with the “unfairness” of everything. Why do I lose out on my daughter? Who helps me with food, cloths, extra room in an apt, toys, etc? I am trying my hardest to see a woman’s side to this, but I know I’m not one of those fathers that are described above.
What does it cost to raise a child now, single mother?
Jun 8, 2009 at 9:31 pm
[...] I began writing this blog, one of the first articles I put together was ‘How much does it cost to raise a child?’ I am still struck by this fact from the study in 2007: “Only 17 percent of single parent [...]
Jenny
Jul 7, 2009 at 10:42 am
Hey, just stopping by from stumble. Great post. :) I’ll be back to read more of your updates. You seem to have a very interesting bloggy.
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