How quickly they grow up
The Boy came back today, exhausted and glowing like a house with every light on. He’d had a fantastic time at Yankee Stadium, and will be able to tell his own sons someday that he saw the Yankees play in the house that Ruth built. He and his buddy T Man managed not to drive the dad nuts, I think, and behaved well together, even when the sudden storm that sprang up Saturday night knocked out the train they were on. The three didn’t get to their house until one this morning.
He still didn’t want to leave.
I’m so proud of him. I’m pretty proud of myself, too. I let him go, and he came back, taller, more sure of himself, another step towards being a good man. And really, that’s why I do what I do, why I left when I did, why I work where I do. I want him to grow up to be a good man. Somehow, I have some work to do on myself, too, to ensure that my son gets there. I have to be more confident in myself. I have to stand up for injustice and strive to make the world a better place. I have to find a healthy, strong love to call my own, so my son can see what real family is like. I have to honor my mother and father, always, so he will know what it means to honor those you love.
And he will be a fine man. I hope that he will look back on these days and remember only the magic. I hope he won’t even feel the need to explain to the people in his life that he was raised by a single mother… because really, he hasn’t been. He has been raised by me, and by my parents, and by the two homeroom teachers he’s had so far who have loved him like their own. He has been raised by the clerks in our favorite grocery store and the young men and women at my office who adore him. He has been raised by the museums and the plays, the free concerts and the sidetracked adventures we stumble upon from time to time. He is a citizen of this world, and for all those who do nothing to support or nurture him, there are dozens more who do.
Tags: adventure, let your child grow up, letting go, love, single-mom, single-mother
3 opinions for How quickly they grow up
Strong One
Jun 9, 2008 at 4:59 pm
THAT IS AWESOME. I ‘m so glad he got to go, and I had a feeling it would be a great experience.
Congratulations again on making that great decision.
WOO HOO
christina
Jun 9, 2008 at 10:26 pm
It was amazing, strong one. For all of us.
JP
Jun 10, 2008 at 9:46 pm
What a great feeling. KoE wears that Yankees hat with pride — hope you like it, ’cause I have this feeling it’ll be on A LOT. (I know mine was, but at least it wasn’t a Yankees cap. Ah, well.)
Can’t let one bit go, though, even though it’s not the main bit.
“I have to find a healthy, strong love to call my own, so my son can see what real family is like.”
Are you very sure about this? Very? is this truly a reflexive construction? Will your son not know what real family is like if you do not find a strong a healthy love?
Being true to oneself, to paraphrase an earlier thread, recognizing the voice inside that doesn’t think a relationship is right — setting that example is in my never humble opinion awfully important to the making of a good man or woman. And that example comes far more powerfully from one’s parent or a much older sibling than from anyone else.
On the other hand, your parents seem to function well as family. Some of your friends. and some his freinds parents now and later will be married. Though not infinite, there are more examples of good families than there are of people who keep true to themselves at a cost.
You get this exactly right in your final paragraph. There are some things that only you (right now, anyway) can impart to your son. Most things he can learn, if less fully, from the world he lives and and its population.
From a practical standpoint, that belief in the importance of a good family example is a tough freight for a relationship to have to carry.
You have within yourself, as you’ve described, an almost visceral integrity. It is certainly possible that a strong healthy love can be found, and I wish you only Godspeed and good fortune in so finding it. But should it come down to demonstrating family versus integrity to self, well….
Peace.
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