Insomnia
Ever since I started this job, i’ve had insomnia. it started in the hotel the night before my first business development meeting in New York. I woke up at around two in the morning and realized I’d never fallen into a deep sleep. I never did, that night. I floated somewhere between sleeping and waking for the rest of the night.
I’ve been doing that for three or four nights a week ever since. Sometimes, I know what has woken me up: a car door slamming, the security light flicking on next door, my son calling in the night. Most times, though, I have no idea why I’ve been skimming along the edge of sleep, never quite falling in. It’s enough to make a person panic. I just lay there and tell myself it’s ok, I’m still getting some rest, at least. I wrap myself in the comfortable blanket a kind mama gave me a few months ago and try to just quiet my mind, not think about the day that lies ahead or the day I’ve tried to put behind me. Just be. Absolutely under no circumstances will I begin to think about the sleep I’m not getting!
And when the alarm goes off, far too soon, way too early in the dark before dawn, I get up and face the day. I suppose I could medicate to take care of the problem, but it wouldn’t cure me, just put a band-aid over the problem. I suppose more exercise couldn’t hurt. I’ve already cut out all caffeine but my first, morning cup. I suppose an end to this limbo of separation but not divorce would help my sleep cycles immensely, too. What do you think about that?
Tags: insomnia, single-mom, single-mommy, single-mother, sleep, stress, worryRelated Stories
POSTED IN: sanity
7 opinions for Insomnia
Kathy
Apr 9, 2007 at 10:46 pm
I hate to say it, but I’ve been doing that for over two years now. (The divorce has been final since September.) I tried Lunesta, etc. and it didn’t help much. Two things have: a DVD I felt really silly buying that’s supposed to help you with stress and fear with subliminal suggestions (it’s on Amazon) and meditation at night before bedtime.
Catherine
Apr 10, 2007 at 3:09 am
Ha! been there done that (am doing that) have several t-shirts. I call it the hamster brain effect: lots of subliminal worries/possible conversations/arguments with ex that I don’t give time to usually, wake up and stretch and get up on the exercise machine, when I go to bed. I fall into an uneasy sleep about 2 hours before I’m due to wake up. What I’ve found useful is 1. Recounting the plot lines minute-by-minute of a favourite book/tv-show/movie. Literally to the point of ‘he says/she sits down/she says…..’
2. Focussing on a point on the ceiling, and closing eyes, opening them; saying my eyes are heavy and I’ll have to close them for a second and open them again…..’ repeat. basically just filling up brain with background noise. I sound mad don’t I??
Anyway, it usually works (and quickly too) when I remember to do it, which is usually 2-4 hours into the ordeal.
Christina
Apr 10, 2007 at 8:18 am
Oh, no, Catherine! Sadly enough, what puts me to sleep is imagining a very romantic night out with a handsome man. Or I repeat the alphabet over and over and over. I don’t want to get stuck in this pattern for much longer.
I have to get my book back from the friend I loaned it to, it’s called The Mood Cure by Julia Ross. It really helped me when the ex and I were breaking up, using amino acids to balance brain chemistry. I think it’s time to start taking them again.
Christina
Apr 10, 2007 at 8:20 am
Kathy, I’ve been thinking about learning to meditate, I’m sure that would help immensely. I’ve got a brain that never shuts up. I’ll see what I can learn about it. I think it’s the stress of single motherhood, combined with a sixty hour work week and living in a dicey neighborhood that’s doing it.
Nancy
Apr 11, 2007 at 9:34 am
Sigh. Oh, Christina! I have no idea what causes this affliction, but I do know there are lots of things that help (that I, too, forget to use until it’s “too” late!) Anyway, hypnosis/meditation really helped when I used to practice regularly (was great with childbirth too.) There are homeopathic aromatherapies that helped me (if I’d remember to call and reorder the drops. You place them behind your ears and on your wrists. It did work.) And I’m currently trying Rozarem, the new melatonin-like sleep aid. It’s ok. The other things just give me a hung over feeling. Maybe it’s just our age, our level of stress, or all of the above. Whatever the cause, it sure seems to hit a large segment of the population! Good luck! And really, try the relaxation tapes 2 times a day (Yeah. Right. Like we single moms have time for that!!!)
Christina
Apr 11, 2007 at 9:59 am
Nancy, I know that statistically, insomnia affects women more than men. I think it must be some evolutionary gimmick. Someone has to be able to hear the kids at night. Thankfully, most nights it’s not too bad. I wake up, and think, “Oh no! Quick! go back to sleep!” and curl up again. Takes probably 20 minutes to get back to sleep. What sucks is not ever falling into a truly deep sleep. Have you tried amino acids? Of which melatonin is one, but there are better ones, closer to the actual chemicals your brain begins with to make melatonin.
Believe it or not, calcium helps sleep. Take some calcium supplements in the late afternoon. Go figure.
I think, more than relaxation tapes, I need positive thinking tapes. I can download them onto my little iPod shuffle annd listen to them to and from work. You know, during that half hour of me time I get twice a day. On the bus.
sarah
Dec 16, 2007 at 11:11 pm
I’m only 22 and I started having problems with insomnia at the same time I began having panic attacks. I still haven’t figured out how to push myself into a full sleep state on my own! I take Ambien every night, which puts me to sleep without fail, and I can go back to sleep even after I am woken up. I was recently given Rozarem to try, but I’m worried about that.
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