lonely is as lonely does
It’s the wee small hours of the morning that are the hardest for me. If I don’t get to bed by nine in the evening, I catch a second wind and am up until 1AM, rattling around the house, thinking too much.
Being a single parent, I find I’m a prisoner in my own home after the kid goes to sleep. I might be able to calm my mind with a long walk, or a pottery class, or a night out with friends… but I don’t have the energy to find a babysitter, and I don’t want to subject a babysitter to my TV-less house. My single friends all have busy social lives or are working two jobs, so they don’t stop by very often. My married friends usually choose to stay home and have a date night, though I suppose a few might be persuaded to stop by in the evenings every once in a blue moon. And my single parent friends? Well, unless we’re all willing to do a great big slumber party at someone’s house, they’re all stuck at their homes, just like I am. It’s lonely here when the kid’s asleep. I’m too tired to actually concentrate on a book. I’d like to be able to hang out, have a nice dinner with friends, enjoy adult conversation. As a single parent, there’s no back up. You can’t ask your spouse to cover the kid duties while you slip out for a “girl’s night out” or catch a book signing downtown.
Folks don’t invite me places as often, either. I’m tired of having to say, “I’d love to, if I can find a sitter.” I’m tired of not having a social life because I am the only one who takes care of the kid. I don’t know how to find a better balance. Considering how little time I get to spend with the KoE, I feel guilty whenever I want some me time. It’s a difficult balance.
I’m hoping to get a movie and pizza night for local single parents on Friday nights. Course, it would have to be at someone else’s house because I don’t have a television, but you get the idea. A movie for the kids, a kitchen table for the grown ups, and a chance to spend a few hours in the company of like-minded souls on a night where breaking the bed time won’t cause all hell to break loose the morning after. Doesn’t that sound lovely? It’s not hard to organize. Start with as many single parents as you have in your Blackberry, and then ask each to invite a single parent they know. In no time, you’ll be enjoying a glass of something delicious while the kids watch Cars and fight over cars.
We all need a little human time. A little face to face.
Tags: friday-night-movie, single-mother, single-networking, single-parent, social-groupsRelated Stories
POSTED IN: sanity, sharing the load
15 opinions for lonely is as lonely does
DWordDiva
Jan 24, 2007 at 11:55 am
Hi there!
I just wanted to thank you for adding me to your blogroll and as a token of my appreciation I have added you to my “Darn Folks Who Link Me” Screenshot list!
See you around the blog! ;)
Rory
Jan 24, 2007 at 3:00 pm
That was a great read, Christina. It ended so upbeat. Sounds like your loneliness can really get you down when it strikes, but you concluded with real proactive determination to try and do something about it. With some good suggestions. I really hope it works out for you.
You must remember to write about it if it proved successful.
christina
Jan 24, 2007 at 9:47 pm
Hi, Rory, thanks. I think the Pizza and A Movie night should be a success as soon as I find some soul willing to host it (insert diabolical world-takeover laugh here).
christina
Jan 24, 2007 at 9:47 pm
Hey, Diva! linklove rules. thanks!
Rory
Jan 25, 2007 at 2:15 am
I could hear that laughter clear across the Atlantic!
Carrie
Jan 25, 2007 at 6:01 am
Hiya!
I have a friend who is also a solo mommy, and we have a sleepover night every now and then, where we let the kids play, then put them to bed, then we stay up and watch movies and gossip and drink wine!!
Then when we cannot stay up any more, we crash to! And whoever is the least exhausted in the morning makes pancakes for us all!
I am sooo tired and worn out from these nights, but they are worth it for that ‘break!’
x
christina
Jan 25, 2007 at 8:57 am
Carrie, that sounds perfect
The Nice Librarian
Jan 27, 2007 at 12:15 pm
I totally can relate. I have missed so many get-togethers and social events the past 6 months because of having to stay home and watch the kids. Can’t afford a babysitter even if I could find one. And all my friends are married and at home doing the couple thing, I don’t have any single friends. Sigh. I don’t know how you live without a tv! Movies are a lifesaver.
christina
Jan 27, 2007 at 12:21 pm
Nice, I do watch DVD’s on my laptop sometimes. I indulged in Immortal Beloved last night.
There is a naissant single parent group forming in my neighborhood, and if i can get a sort of guest room set up, i’m hoping to find a mom or two who would come over for a slumber party on the weekends like Carrie up there above you in comments does. It would be great to have that.
Michael
Jan 27, 2007 at 4:57 pm
Wow, I so understand what it is like. I’ve been a single father of three now for 8 months. People seem to have a weird reaction about fathers not being able to socialize because of parental responsibility.
On one hand, the difficulty and cost of finding someone to watch the kids makes socialization almost not worth the effort. When I do get out I feel guilty, worry and miss the little ones.
christina
Jan 27, 2007 at 5:04 pm
Michael, I hope you find your own tribe. It’s going to be even harder for you, because single fathers with custody are so much more rare than single mothers… and I don’t know how many single mothers out there can trust a platonic movie night sleep over! ;-)
Don’t feel guilty. Do you remember nights when your folks went out, when you were a kid? It was like a mini-vacation, a special treat. I never felt my folks were doing wrong by me by going out. I hope you find a sitter you trust, a tribe of parents who support and uplift you, and a path to happiness.
I’m throwing down breadcrumbs, myself.
Michael
Jan 27, 2007 at 9:05 pm
Thanks for the kind words. I think my guilt stems from their mother’s sudden abandonment of the family. I don’t want them to feel I’m off doing the same. In truth it’s been harder for me. Kids have a way of adjusting but I try my best to make sure their life hasn’t changed too much.
Though, single parents do need some sort of personal time. The stress of career, household, family, money, time, etc. all adds up.
Anyway, it’s comforting to know others are out there in the same situation and doing well.
Good luck!
angel
Jan 29, 2007 at 3:14 pm
oh boy can i relate to that… it is easier for me now that damien is older, but even now (because he’s an adhd-er) i am wary of leaving him alone for longer than a couple of hours.
thankfully i am blessed in having family close by so if i’m really hard up for some downtime i need only phone around.
Leslie
Jan 29, 2007 at 7:43 pm
The slumber party sounds so fun! Sometimes it’s frustrating when you kindly try to explain why you need to plan in advance or can’t celebrated “events” or birthdays every weekend. One of my friends, married with kids, is big on no kid get togethers…geez, I’m all for a night out once in a while but of course it’s the one friend who’s got kids mine can play with. ha, can’t win.
All the nights alone have got me sucked into TV on DVD…I can live vicariously through others in the wee hours!
christina
Jan 29, 2007 at 9:19 pm
Leslie, I have high hopes for the movie night. Might even get it organized for this coming Friday night! It’s important to build your own tribe. We’re starting one in my neighborhood and just the thought of all the possibilities makes me so much happier and optimistic.
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