Solo Mother

My son’s a gold digger

by christina on June 9th, 2007

“We have to do something about it.”

My mother had just returned from watching her grandson’s class dance recital, which she filmed for me. Watching the video, I knew just what she meant.

There he was, a slender waif of a boy in blue and white, standing stock still while the dance went on around him. He was busy. He had something better to do. Something that involved rooting around within a nostril cavity for something that he eventually extracted and put into his mouth. Twice.

I have no idea how to stop this. When my dogs used to get hotspots, we’d put Bitter Apple on it to make them stop chewing. Can I do something like that to the King of Everything without being accused of child abuse? How on EARTH does one stop a child from picking his or her nose? My friends tell their daughter each time she picks her nose that she’s having boogers for dessert. I am forever moving my son’s hand away from his face and being disgusted. I’ve refused to hold his hand after he picks his nose, I’ve gotten stern, I’ve tried embarrassing him, I’ve tried reasoning with him. I haven’t tried tabasco and I wouldn’t recommend it… that would definitely be child abuse. I’m at my wit’s end. My kid would rather pick his nose than dance.

I have one last threat, but it’s only going to be effective retroactively. If he picks his nose again in public, I’m going to threaten to show the dance nose pickin’ video every time he brings a girlfriend home.

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