Solo Mother

Of all the toys we got for Christmas…

by christina on December 31st, 2006

this perfect dandylion shook its white mane at us on our way home from a holiday party this evening, and my son’s joy at being able to blow blow blow was as great as any smile he’d bestowed to gifts on Christmas morning.

When I think that we went from having nothing to having it all in just three short months? I weep. I think our home is complete. I am still sleeping on the floor–on a mattress–but we have everything we could want. Well, another set of sheets for each of the beds would be nice, but I don’t mind having to do that kind of laundry. No, if we get more things, we’ll begin to give things to people who need them. I can’t wait to be in a position to help someone else the way the women and men in my community have helped me. Carrie had a great suggestion for the off-years, when the KoE isn’t with me. Perhaps I will volunteer at a shelter for Christmas. When the KoE learns to read, I hope we can spend some time in an old folk’s home, reading to some special friend.

Volunteering shouldn’t be a holiday thing. Teach your children how to help, and give. I’m seeing some ugly things these days, even within my own family, that have told me clear and stark the value of giving.

I’m still reeling from the changes three short months have made to our lives. I still miss Sharjah and Dubai every day, but at least there are dandylions to blow. I still wish my marriage hadn’t ended, but at least I have the strength of spirit to find a new life. Wishes, beggars, horses… nothing can change the course of our lives, force it back into old paths. I’m looking for new paths, new traditions, a new future to fill the void of the old one that was ripped from me this summer. I need to find new ways to ease the yearning in my son’s heart for his father without trying to replace his father. Volunteering gives the KoE a chance to love, and be loved.

My lovely friend Kate over at Babylune gave me my most precious Christmas gift this year, in the form of these words:

Happiness is a big jump without a net. It’s the adrenaline punch that is so wonderful and opens up so many possibilities.I think, when we learn how to listen to our real selves, the flight is magnificent. Yes, there will be a crash. But you baby, you’re creating a place to land.

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POSTED IN: holidays, wisdom, words to live by