Ok. Why ARE bedtimes so hard?
I’ve been hearing from mothers all over the place this weekend. One seriously funny mom went on South Beach this week and complained, “For the record, motherhood requires alcohol, and Mr. South Beach is a very cruel man if he doesn’t understand that.” I’m reading about a mom who sometimes wishes she could just send her toddler off to live at his dad’s house most of the time, and then beating herself up for having these thoughts. And while enduring a day spent listening to my son talk non-stop for ten hours straight, I’m reminded of my own mother who (also a very seriously funny woman), after taking care of the King of Everything one day last year, asked me, “How old do you think he’ll have to be before I can tell him to shut the f*** up?’ and I turned on my best blank look and replied, “Hrm. I dunno–how old is he now?” I’m thinking of the mom who said she always loved her tween daughter, but sometimes found it hard to like her. I’m wondering if we make a mistake in having such small families. If you’ve got five kids, they can torture each other and leave you alone to drink your Cosmopolitan and watch a George Carlin DVD in peace, no?
No?? Well. It looked good on paper.
My worst time is bedtime. I’m so desperate for some silence, for some time and space to do all that stuff that needs to get done–you know, laundry, ironing, writing here in Solomother, cleaning the bathrooms, scrubbing the kitchen, vacuuming and mopping and putting together tomorrow’s lunch, grocery shopping (I do mine on line, it rocks, no more arguing with a five year old why we aren’t going to buy Lunchables! or Spongebob Squarepants pasta! Or Choco-Sugarbomb breakfast cereal!)… I’m so busy when my son finally goes to sleep that by the time bedtime rolls around, I’m out of patience. In fact, I’m damned near claustrophobic with his time stretching games of more snuggles! more kisses! more book! more water! more food! more this and this and this and finally I just leave. I just get up and leave, furious with myself for once again having let it Get. To. Me. And I can’t look at my partner and say, “I need a little time, can you take this shift?” Single mothers don’t have that luxury. We just have to suck it up and keep going.
So I think I’m going to have to be more strategic in my life. More streamlined. More organized. I’m going to have to make it so time after he goes to sleep is just me time. No chores. No obligations. I can slide housework into other time slots, like cleaning the bathrooms while I get ready for work. Straightening the kitchen while I make breakfast. And if I can get to a point where I have a place for everything, then I can be better about keeping everything in its place. I have a huge pile of clothes, both mine and the kid’s, to Freecycle. I have to wrap up the ornaments and finally put Christmas to bed. But really? With the pressures I’m enduring from work, and the very narrow window of time I get to spend with friends and loved ones, I need to take care of myself right now. The house can be a little messy. My heart, however, can’t.
12 Comments
By the time my kids go to bed I’m ready too. I always thought 4-6pm was the worst though. It was dead time – too late for snack – to early for dinner but the kids were cranky! I do a lot of the “clean as you go” too to get it done, but at night its gotta be more “me time”. Ok so I’m gonna go iron now…
MindyMom, I have the horrible habit of putting all the clean clothes on my bed. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve just crawled into bed at midnight beneath them.
I’m ironing too. And looking for my sewing kit to repair some clothes. And and and and… doing too much.
Get some sleep!
O my god!!! I thought I was the only single Mom on the planet who felt this way. I have to make myself look at it like this… my daughter is 9, one day in the very near future she is not going to want to spend any time at all with me. Even though at this moment that sounds wonderful I know I will hate it. So, I try to get all that I can while I can. Meanwhile, when she does go to bed I try to get all the me time that I can!
the most important thing to remember is that clean clothes can be worn:
a) right out of the dryer
b) out of a basket
c) from a bed
d) if they’re not really clean
e) all of the above
The answer is E – all of the above!
I’m with Amy Sue! On a winter day? Right out of the dryer is a treat. What are you ironing? If the answer is sheets . . .please reconsider.
The cordless phone is a blessing to single moms. You can chat while you accomplish whatever. I refer to chat and do as “sharking it up”. Single moms are just like sharks . . . .sharks must keep moving or they die. Clutter does not kill, but it certainly is a buzz kill for those who want a more interesting life than “just mommy”.
Bel, I’m sorry. You’re not alone. You’re not crazy. We’re ALL dealing with this junk in one form or another.
Me time. What a concept!
Amy Sue, I’m with your e selection, really I am. But I can’t go to work looking like I just rolled out of bed. Not all the time. It goes downhill as the week progresses and by Friday I’m in jeans. Not because it’s casual friday, but because that’s all I can be bothered to deal with.
Dr. Leah, can I have your job? You seem to be the Sanity Fairy of Single Parenthood, you flutter from blog to blog scattering good thoughts wherever you go.
Iron? What’s an iron? I’m a professional and haven’t ironed a thing in YEARS. Seriously — throw it in the dryer with a damp cloth or get it dry-cleaned and forget wasting hours ironing.
I also have a babysitter that LIKES to do my dishes.
I’ve slept under many a pile of clothes. Extra layers for those cold nights, right?
I struggle with me time versus kid time, too, because I want to crash at 8pm right along with him.
Great post. How do we do it?
This post is sooo real to me! After so much intense time with my 4 year old, I am desperate for some alone time. At moments during our bedtime routine, I get tense when she hugs me one more time. My skin almost crawls. I feel awful about this, of course.
I have, however, worked out a system where I am pretty much done with chores and such before I take her up for bed. I clean up dishes as I’m cooking dinner, and make lunches, get ready for breakfast while I’m waiting for food to cook on the stove, etc. I am very much of the philosophy of cleaning up while doing the task. I don’t put much off for later. I iron my clothes for work the next morning close by the bathroom while she’s playing in the bath, and get her stuff ready while she’s getting on her pjs. This has been a great great thing. Do it if you can work it out. Then, when they finally do pass out in bed, you have time to do NOTHING.
I have a 2 year old and bedtime isn’t the problem. He lays down and goes to bed BUT then around 1 a.m. he wonders into my room and gets into my bed. I’m embarrassed to say that I’m such a hard sleeper that I don’t realize he’s in the bed with me until morning. I am happy to report that I closed his door and guess what????He stayed in his room all night. Maybe that’s the solution.
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