Red hot angries
I don’t know how to manage an older child’s anger. I haven’t been there yet. But I have a hot-headed five year old full of opinions and attitude, and I worry about him. He’s an exuberant child. He’s got imagination spilling out of him in hot lava gobs of paleontology and space travel and good guys and bad guys. He’s a handful. He was full of piss n vinegar today, and it was all we could do to get through an hour without shouting at each other. Sometimes, we didn’t make it. Finally, exhausted, we hung up our sparring gloves, hugged, and went to bed. Tomorrow is another day.
I’ve only spanked my child once, at the end of a harrowing week where his behavior pushed all boundaries, put himself and other children at risk, and pushed all of my buttons, my parents’ buttons, and his beloved teacher’s, too. I think the Kid and I are hoping we’ll never come to such an impasse, again.
What’s wrong with spanking? I won’t get into the child rearing philosophies. You all can debate them to your heart’s content. But the way I see it, spanking can walk two roads: either a parent can beat the will out of a child, beat him or her into submission and break the kid… or a parent can beat a child and keep the young one in line until the day the child realizes he or she is bigger, and stronger, and meaner than that parent is. Either way, you lose. You all lose.
Way I see it, the only thing to do is build respect, and trust. Teach a child consequences. Be responsible and honest. Lead by example. Teach a child to help, to contribute, to be forthright and a good member of society. And pray.
What do you think, single mothers?
Tags: children, control, kids, parenting, positive-parenting, raising good kids, single-mom, single-motherRelated Stories
POSTED IN: parenting
7 opinions for Red hot angries
Laura
Aug 11, 2008 at 11:42 am
I have been battling this the last week! My 6 year old somedays feels like a 16year old! I cant remember the last time we made it through a day without getting angry with each other!
I have smacked before - but it has no effect so dont do it anymore!
What works well is giving him choices - so I tell him its HIS choice to brush his teeth or sit in his room! It really does work
christina
Aug 11, 2008 at 11:51 am
Laura, an even better consequence to not brushing teeth is what I tell my son: You won’t ever be able to eat anything sweet if you don’t take care of your teeth. It’s too risky! LOL and then he says, EVER? and I say NEVER EVER. and he brushes his teeth. Sorry your six year old is a handful. I wonder sometimes if those flareups are testosterone surges. Next time I butt heads with my kid, we’re going to take it to the soccer field and run it out.
Kelly
Aug 11, 2008 at 2:42 pm
I totally agree with you on the spanking issue. When it comes to the point of using physical violence against a child, it’s time to find a better way.
Anni
Aug 12, 2008 at 10:23 am
I always used the most logical consequence whenever possible. Hence I would agree with the “NEVER EVER” to sweets as a response to not brushing teeth. These moments can be perfect for teaching children that problems can be resolved without the use of violence. I know as parents we have moments we really do want to pull our hair out, but we need to be mindful of how our actions affect our children.
christina
Aug 12, 2008 at 11:08 am
Kelly, hear hear! I put myself in a time out whenever the King of Everything has pushed my last buttons.
christina
Aug 12, 2008 at 11:09 am
Anni, absolutely. And so long as we’re tearing our own hair out in the privacy of our own bathrooms, with the door locked and the shower running, right? Show no weakness. :)
But seriously. Logical consequences. All the way.
Satsuki Rebel
Aug 13, 2008 at 12:03 am
While I believe that the odd spanking now and again won’t hurt your child in the long run (assuming you’re normal, not all spazzy, about it and don’t make it habit) I still agree with what you said. Eventually the child will realize they’re bigger, stronger, and may even feel justified in hitting back. It certainly worked that way for me. I hit 4th grade and told my mom if she ever hit me again (I use the term hit instead in spank because on some drunk days he aim would be off) I would hit her right back. By that time I WAS bigger and stronger. I never had to touch her and she never touched me again…. She also sobered up by late high school and is now a great mother who I am thankful to have in my life. Okay, ignore the monologue. Good post, good points.
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