Solo Mother

single mothers, do you know where your children are… online?

by christina on April 20th, 2008

All children are vulnerable, but children whose parents broke up might be even more exposed to a predator’s hooks. Nicole was molested by a 29 year old man when she was only 12. He crept into her life through her computer, gained her trust, used her vulnerablilities, and took advantage of her in all the worst of ways, using a fight she’d had with her father to wedge himself into her heart.

“I was fighting with my dad,” recalled Nicole, whose parents are divorced. “He said my dad was wrong for fighting with me. He told me he loved me. I thought, ‘Wow,’ he’s real.”

Nicole and her mother are fighting predators online, launching their MAP (Mothers Against Predators) site to help educate children to the dangers of online predators.

When I was a kid, we didn’t have online pedophiles. Ours were right there on the streets, in the stores, using the same gimmicks to try to gain a child’s trust, turn that child against their families and into their arms. My parents were fierce defenders of the appropriateness of my friends, and refused to allow me to do some things that involved older men whose motives were unclear. It meant I wasn’t involved in trying to launch a kid’s TV network on local cable, because the man involved seemed too interested in children. They weren’t taking any chances they could prevent. I railed against their decisions at the time but accepted their reasoning. They were not comfortable with this 36 year old man’s interest in a 15 year old girl. I trusted my parents. I obeyed their decision–even though it meant not being on TV…

Point is, you’re the parent. Know what your child is doing on line. Talk to your kids about appropriate behavior on line, and limit their time on the computer. I don’t know if any tween or teen would ever really buy this, but it’s a truth of life: if what you’re doing is not something you can tell your folks about, then it’s wrong and you shouldn’t be doing it.

The MAP site is young, and doesn’t have a ton of helpful information up there yet. If you want more info about how to monitor or limit your child’s online activities, how to educate your child about safe computer use, and know where to report suspected inappropriate contact, take a look at MAP (www.wearemap.org) for the most basic of ideas. The Microsoft website has some good guidelines for how to prevent online predators, and Wired Safety probably has an answer for any question you can throw at them.

The best defense is an active, happy kid. Work on issues of self-esteem, and try to encourage social activities that involve face time with your child’s peer group. Isolated, bored, curious tweens and teens are the most vulnerable group.

Thanks to the Sun Sentinel for writing about this issue.

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