some advice from the school of hard knocks
Listen up, single moms. I’ve got a story to tell. It’s got a big lesson right up front: careful what you say. It might come round and bite you on the ass.
Someone in my family isn’t speaking to me, for good reason. I opened up my big mouth and said a whole bunch of stuff I shouldn’t have, and hurt someone very much. Crappy thing is, I didn’t even mean much of it, or at least, not in the mean angry way it came out. And I put it in writing, so my victim can re-read it any time she wants.
I’m an idiot sometimes.
And when you mess up that badly, sometimes all you can do is live with the pain. There’s no repairing it. There’s no taking it back. You just have to live with the consequences. Even if she forgives me, which I don’t think she will, what use am I to her? I stabbed her. I lashed out. Ladies? This ringing any bells? Cause if you rip your child’s father to shreds, either directly to the father or indirectly through your child, all it’s going to do is come back to bite you in the ass. Be careful what you say. Think about it. Do YOU really want to know what your ex thinks of you? Do you think you could handle the vitriol, the hate and the hurt, pouring out of his mouth? I’m here to tell you, I lived through that this summer, sitting in a sidewalk cafe on the Champs Elysees, watching my ex’s mouth move and nothing but hate and disgust coming out. Quite a deal-breaker. Unless you’re hell-bent for leather and a true ball-breaker, don’t do it. Hang up on him if you have to. Move his e-mails to a folder on your computer and never open them until it’s time to see the attorney, and then let the attorney read them.
Don’t stoop to being nasty, or shoot to kill. You might feel better for a few hours after you’ve vomited up some verbal bile, but when the dust settles, you’re still the mother of his child, and unless he’s going to voluntarily disappear, the two of you will have to co-parent this child of yours for the rest of his or her life.
Which means, basically, FOREVER.
Tags: communication, single-mom, single-mother, single-parent, talking-to-the-exRelated Stories
POSTED IN: divorce, sharing the load, spouse, stress
7 opinions for some advice from the school of hard knocks
Kate
May 22, 2007 at 3:03 am
Good advice. Very good advice.
Rebecca
May 22, 2007 at 10:50 am
I’m sorry to hear about your family problems. Been there…also been on the receiving end of the ex’s rants. We get along now, but don’t think I don’t remember all of that.
Whatever happens with your family, time will help. I know that seems like a dumb cliche, but it will. Let the dust settle and go back around and feel things out later. You might get a more positive response than you think.
Sending well wishes your way!
Sarah
May 22, 2007 at 3:34 pm
Thanks for the advice. Going through a nasty divorce since the ex left for his new woman. Sometimes I actually bite my tongue so hard it bleeds, but I figure it will heal faster than any emotional cut.
I hope your family troubles clear up. Sometimes I am surprised by how a well thought out and sincere sorry can help.
Hang in there!
christina
May 22, 2007 at 7:02 pm
Kate. thanks. I hope I can spare someone the pain I’ve been going through.
christina
May 22, 2007 at 7:03 pm
Rebecca, thank you. I hope things work out. At least I looked deep into my own self and learned that I would try hard to forgive if our places were reversed. I’d thought perhaps I’d be the unforgiving type. Guess I’ve grown up some.
christina
May 22, 2007 at 7:05 pm
Sarah, I hope you can stop biting your tongue that hard soon. What a mess. No fair.
Now, the other side of the coin is, don’t hold all that stuff inside, either. Find a sympathetic ear, or write it all down and then burn it.
angel
May 28, 2007 at 2:31 pm
i’ve always been very careful about how i speak about my son’s father. they’ve never met and i didn’t want him to ever be able to say i lied to him. i would like him one day to be able to meet his father and make up his own mind, otherwise all my love and hardwork is for naught…
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