Some further thoughts on dating
As you might know by now, this single mother thrives on music with interesting lyrics and good stories. I was listening to my little iPod Shuffle today at work when a particular song came on that gives me the giggles even as it gives me cause for alarm.The song is “Undewear” by Pulp:
If you could close your eyes and just remember that this is what you wanted last night…
so why is it so hard for you to touch him, for you to go and give yourself to him?
Oh Jesus!
I couldn’t stop it now, there’s no way to get out
he’s standing far too near, and how the hell did you get here,
standing naked in somebody else’s room?I’d give my whole life to see it, just you stood there
only in your underwear…
I just can’t imagine going all the way through with it. You know. It. With the naked and the dangly bits and the saggy stretchmarked bits and the scary unknown bits about love and death…
I think that the It part is what gets me most about the whole dating process. I mean, I’ve had a baby. I’m no stranger to skin, or the mechanics of sex. I even remember what romantic love is like, way back from the distant past. Part of the whole dating difficulty lays, as Rachel Sarah so succinctly put it, in that immediate calculation of family material. Is he the one? Can he be The One? And off I go in a fantasy of domestic tranquility. He introduces himself and I’m already wondering if he’s Worthy.
If I can’t imagine the man sitting across from me as a potential forever man, what’s the point in finishing the first evening? And if I’m attracted to him, what’s the point of playing the game? I’m no blushing virgin. I know what happens after the first kiss. I know where this is leading… or do I?
What if, once in a while, I deserve to get out? To be adored? With no strings, no expectations beyond my fabulous company and a dinner/movie/adventure? Why do I have to assume that the goal and the point of all this going out and getting to know someone is to ultimately either end up in bed or at the altar? or both?
If I’m going to take some of my precious time and go out, then I’m going to savor the moment and take it slow. Now, if only I could give that potential Prince Charming the benefit of the doubt and not have him married or rejected in the first five minutes, this dating thing might be something to try, after all. Some day. In a few years. When I have the time.
Sort of like going to the gym. ;-)
Tags: dating, sex, sex-and-the-single-mom, sex-and-the-single-mother, single-mom, single-mommy, single-motherRelated Stories
POSTED IN: dating
6 opinions for Some further thoughts on dating
America
Apr 13, 2007 at 6:00 am
That’s why I dance tango. Nice 3 minute love affair - some drama, some romance, no committment and the worst disease you get is a common cold.
America
Apr 13, 2007 at 6:02 am
Oh, and the best part is that you can have a connection with another human being and oodles of passion without showing a single stretch mark…
Christina
Apr 13, 2007 at 9:08 pm
America, thank you for this. You made me laugh out loud on the bus!
I’m so thrilled the gym I just joined has belly dance classes!
America
Apr 15, 2007 at 3:14 pm
Yea for good gyms. I went to a hip-hop class at mine last week! I miss bellydancing (the teacher I was taking from is 20 weeks preggo!) but I can’t do everything!
Kathy
Apr 15, 2007 at 11:50 pm
Shoot, I’ve had four kids, two of whom were ten pounders, and the last eleven pounds!! So my dangly,stretchmarked and saggy bits have their own zip codes and block cell reception to my feet.
I think the deal with us is that you HAVE to tag men as either keepers or round file them when you have kids. They either make the cut (i.e. good enough to be a potential new dad) or they don’t. There’s no point in fooling around with those who are not worthy, as you put it.
angel
Apr 16, 2007 at 2:11 am
the complication and the potential for a double heartache is exactly why i have decided i don’t want to play anymore!
maybe one day when damien’s a grown up and doesn’t need all my time anymore i’ll consider it- but there’s no way i’ll even think about it till then.
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