Solo Mother

Something about limbo

by christina on October 26th, 2006

The ex wanted our son to spend this first separated Christmas with him in Paris. Child development experts and child psychologists had advised me that this wasn’t the best of ideas, that our son would need stability before he could successfully weather such a huge thing like separating from his mother for a week or two, and so far away.

But I couldn’t really say much. I was afraid that any disagreement with my husband would get me banned from the country with my child forbidden to travel. Intellectually, I knew he wouldn’t do this, but divorces aren’t intellectual puzzles, they are nasty emotional train wrecks. So when he wrote in alternate Christmas visits, with his turn beginning this year, I didn’t say anything. But I did start to pray.

A few days after we’d landed in DC, I got an email that made me burst into tears. It seems the husband had happened upon a friendly child psychologist and had mentioned how excited he was to be seeing The Kid over Christmas. The expert said, ‘absolutely not’. And my husband listened to him.

Point is, kids need stability. Divorce rips their whole world to shreds. My boy is a real trooper. He has dealt with homelessness with a grace and easygoing style you wouldn’t find in many three year olds. But he’s tired. He’s done. He says to me every day that we need to find our own magic house. And he’s right. We’re hanging on by our fingernails. We’ve got a roof over our heads until the 9th, and we can impose on other friends for some small while after that, but come on. Its time for us to rebuild our lives and forge a home of safety, love, laughter and beauty, one that will stand in sharp contrast to the grim warzone of life within that marriage.

I’ve got my eye on a magic yellow house. Please, if you’re the praying type, I sure could use some intercession. When you’re a single mother with no steady job, you have to really work every connection, gain everyone’s trust, reassure them that you are one of the good guys. No one wants to take a chance on you but you know what? They do. While I’m disappointed that one possibility never panned out for us, I have to believe it didn’t because we were meant to take this yellow house and love it into beautiful shape.

Tomorrow will tell if we are still homeless or no.

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POSTED IN: divorce