Solo Mother

sometimes, we have to choose the inconvenient path

by christina on May 5th, 2007

Today was a trial, for everyone whose life has been touched by the King of Everything. Being a child, and being a boy, he doesn’t express his feelings with words–he simply acts. He nearly acted himself out of every pleasant thing his grandparents and his mother had planned. He had spent Friday night at his grandfolks, but this morning, he screamed, he hit, he refused. I know I would have simply been spanked or put in a time out for such behavior when I was a child, and being the kind of child I was, I would have simply submitted.

Corporal, arbitrary punishment has never worked on this kid. He has too strong a sense of self, and values himself too highly, to allow himself to be cowed into submission. I am proud that he is like this. We work so hard to give him this confidence, while teaching him that such strength requires great responsibility on his part. Usually, he gets it. Today, he reverted back to toddler incoherence. I can guess what’s going on… we haven’t spent a ton of time together, and it gets to him. He’s tired all the time because of his huge tonsils and overly large adenoids, and sleep holds no comfort and sweetness for the poor boy. He’s worried about the surgery coming uo to rectify that sleep apnea that’s making him so short tempered. he’s bored at school. He wants to have children around him all the time. He misses his papa. He misses his mama even more. Consider that just three short months ago, I was still struggling to find work, and could be a more or less stay at home mom for him. The temp assignment I did find had luxury hours: 9-5, with an hour for lunch, and no overtime. Now, I work (come on, everyone, say it with me now) sixty hours a week, and on weekends too as I try to get my desk cleared to spend time with the KoE after his surgery.

He was a bear this morning. I toyed with the idea of cancelling our attendance at the Derby Day party to which we both had been specifically invited, but decided to continue on with our plans. I enlisted his help, and suddenly I had my angel back. Together, we made a lovely tart with a shortbread crust and strawberries–unfortunately, I didn’t get a photo of it before it got devoured at the party. My point is, the Kid was my sous chef, and it was almost like the old days. He dragged his stool back and forth in the kitchen, helping to mix the dough, cut the strawberries, mix this, stir that, pat the dough into the pan. He was excited to help, and a dear sweet funny boy to boot.

When your child is at his or her unloveliest is when the little one needs love most. Don’t push them away when they screech and shout, but pull them closer. Love them strong and well. Let them know they can’t break that bond.

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