State of the disunion: Two months out
As you may have noticed, this single mother blog has mostly been about keeping it all together and making the most of what little time you have. It’s where my life is, at this moment. I thought I’d put together a list of what I’ve learned, in the hope that it helps.
I’ll get to the divorce stuff when I’m good and ready for it.
Time: there is none. When asked to name this blog, I finally came up with “Solomother: All the responsibility. Half the Time.” I’d like to rethink that, please. Because actually, it should read, “All the responsibility. No time.” I’m lucky. It’s not as though the husband creature actually pitched in with the day to day running of the house. For those of you who have your radars finely tuned for father bashing, stand down. He did what he felt was his job: work. I’ve got an amazing conversation with a divorced father coming up where we tackle the resentment that builds when each partner in a marriage feels he or she isn’t appreciated for everything they do. Let’s leave that one for now, shall we? Suffice to say, Fly Lady will get your organizing freak on. About.com has a great Frugal site, but my favorite is Kelly and Karen’s Thrifty Mommy.
Meals: When I was a stay at home mother/part time wage earner/cook/maid/nanny/girl Friday, I had time to cook from scratch. Glorious, complicated meals that even my husband would occasionally acknowledge as delicious. Now, I’m lucky if I’ve got the time and energy to rip off the top of a box of mac’n’cheese. I’ve become the queen of semi-prepared cuisine, and while it hurts my pride more than a touch, what can I do? One general tip: if your kids are big enough, and interested, let them help! My little guy has been helping me cook since he was about two. It made my heart sing to hear his little voice chirp, “We COOKS, mama!” Think of it this way… for a little extra mess, you get home cooked meals and play time with your kid all rolled into one. I use Trader Joe’s ready mades more often than I like to admit, dip into Aviva Goldfarb’s great subscription recipe burst, the Six O’clock Scramble, and Rachael Ray’s Thirty Minute Meals works for us.
Money: You don’t have to buy brand new. Hand-me-downs, thrift stores, second hand and help from friends is always the way to go. If you have some qualms about Other People’s Stuff, think of it from an environmental point of view: if you don’t take it, reuse it, recycle it, repurpose it, it’s all just going to end up as trash in a landfill. Is this the kind of world you want to leave to your children? Cause if you think a life full of garbage is fine, then why the hell did you go through the pain of divorce in the first place? I ask you. Harumph. Soap box is put away again. So think about where you might be able to acquire something without going to the department stores. Think very hard about whether you really need that whatever it is, or if you can live without it. Also, when you do buy new, think about where the things you buy come from. Try to support local, small businesses. The merchants who add the most warmth and community to my neighborhood are Eastern Market and Frager’s Hardware, not Safeway or Home Despot Depot. And do set aside some pocket money for the fun things in life.
Fun: Going to the park is free. Thankfully, going to the museums here in DC is a free and amazing thing to do with kids. But we shell out a buck or two to see a musical performance or a puppet show every month. Something special for the two of us. I figure I can spend some of the money I’m saving by not having cable TV on quality entertainment, right?
You: There’s nothing wrong with dropping $150 on new underwear that actually doesn’t look like your grandmother would wear it (ahem). Hair cuts are still cheaper than therapy, a manicure and pedicure every once in a while is a fine excuse to sit still and do nothing for an hour. You are a human being with needs and wants. Don’t neglect yourself, or you’ll begin to resent the way your life has turned out, and the little ones in it. Living well is the best revenge; it’s possible to live well on less.
Related Stories
POSTED IN: Spoil yourself, budget, cooking, divorce, family fun, finances, food, health, money, time saver, wisdom
0 opinions for State of the disunion: Two months out
No one has left a comment yet. You know what this means, right? You could be first!
Have an opinion? Leave a comment: