Solo Mother

The inner single mother alarm clock saved me tonight. Just gonna lie down for a minute… I thought, and woke up twenty of them later, with my ‘Honey Do’ list no closer to completions because well… I got no honey to ask to do. Somehow, that’s OK.  I think and remember and marvel that I’ve been doing this on my own for two years, just about. Where do we start when we stare down this road? What do women who come by their single motherhood through the loss of someone, rather than the measured desire to have someone? An industrious …read more

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I love Dr. Leah. If ever you need a level-headed perspective on life, go on over to Just Ask Dr. Leah and… ask. Her comment to yesterday’s musings on broken marriages and failing children was so spot on, I asked her if I could post it here for all to see:
Children born to single moms by choice are a whole different category. The outcome data–meaning how do these kids turn out–is positive and show no meaningful differences between SM – choice kids and kids born to heterosexual couples.
All divorce studies are confounded–not so clear cut like this article made it …read more

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I keep reading all these studies that show how bad divorce is for children. There’s another one, an interesting study, but I found out about it on the Catholic Exchange website.
When I read a summary or news article about data, surveys, polls, or the like, I have to wonder about the slant. Who commissioned the information to be gathered? Who is writing the summary and analyzing the data? In the case of these worst-case scenarios, which children are they interviewing? Are they taking into account socio-economic factors, ancillary family members who offer a stable family atmosphere? What are the factors …read more

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I’m all done in on happy advice for us single moms. I’s tired. My day job? She’s trying to get me to save the world and golly gee, I’d love to, but it makes me feel so small and ineffectual.
So I’ll turn to what Savvy Mommy has to say about getting single moms up the rungs of the success ladder (Success Strategies for Single Moms), and #1 on the list compiled by guest contributor Carolyn Ellis is my favorite: Move yourself to the top of your list.
She’s right, you know. Do something for you, no matter how small. Think …read more

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Digging around in the kid’s head tonight revealed some interesting things:

his father told him that we broke up because we disagreed about him.
he and his dad talked about weddings.

It was a long, hard snuggle time tonight. He wanted to hear about his parents’ wedding, every last detail. I had to endure describing it as it was, trying desperately not to cloud it with hindsight. There are so many details of that day I’ve forgotten. The King of Everything wanted to know again why we’d broken up. “Was it because Papa was mean to you?” and I stalled, reaching for the …read more

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There was a note in the King of Everything’s bookbag this evening when I picked him up from school: he had some serious homework.
Seems he’d spit on three kids in his class today… unheard of behavior from the KoE. He has three notes of apology to pen tomorrow, instead of going to the Zoo. I think he owes his teacher an apology, too, because ever since he got back from Spring Break, he’s been out of control. Ignoring rules he doesn’t feel important or appropriate. Threw a fit yesterday because he didn’t want to play Duck Duck Goose. I’m …read more

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I’m packing up, consolidating my house and my heart for yet another iteration of self in this transformation from married woman to single mother; sifting through what to keep, what to sell, what to give away. I remember the faces of each of the women who came to my rented, crumbling home in those first weeks with pots and pans, towels, books for the kid and books for me, a cup of coffee, a glass of wine. I remember them all, and remember what they gave to me in those first, frightening days.

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I don’t talk very often about the fact that my mom was a single mother for a while, back when I was a little thing. She was a waitress, and I’d spend the nights with Nanna and Herbert, and the days running around with my wonderful mom. I remember being scared of construction sites (I thought the cranes were gigantic monsters), I remember saying, “I’d like some sherbert, Herbert!” and shrieking hysterically about fifty bajillion times an evening. I remember going on adventures with my mom. She was always there and she was all I needed. When she found my …read more

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Lorra Lynch, a reporter out in Macon, Georgia on WMAZ-TV Channel 13, ran a piece on the impact of divorce on families with children. It gives a ray of hope that families can heal after such traumatic events.
View Part I
View Part II
If you’re just beginning the struggle to recover from divorce, I recommend you practice patience, kindness, and understanding, both with your children, yourself, and your ex-spouse. This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover, or give into bad behavior out of a sense of guilt or obligation. Be loving, kind, and firm. Seek counseling, either …read more

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If you’re a single mother because you were in a bad relationship, there’s a good chance your baggage has a tendency not to just open up at inopportune times, but to actually explode all over the place in an extravagant display of dirty laundry. I don’t know that I’ve ever written about this, but towards the end of my marriage, I was prescribed no fewer than four different anti-depressants to manage what the doc diagnosed provisionally as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
You know. What our soldiers over there are coming down with in droves.

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