the best anniversary present for a single mama
He came racing up the front steps, his white Tai Kwan Do uniform bright against the drab concrete. He had a grin that could split the moon, and my mother was laughing and recalling how well he concentrated at TKD today.
“MOM! GUESS WHAT?” he shouted
Mom, guess what? Guess, mom: today is your sixth anniversary. You should have been on your way to the second half of your first decade together.
It had been an ambivalent day, full of misunderstandings, birthdays, hopeful news and this lingering feeling that the fact of my anniversary should be affecting me more than it seemed to be doing. Who knows? The night is young. I could find myself crying into my cups of warmed, mulled cider tonight.
But I don’t think so.
What’s my secret, you ask? Well, it was a good day, all in all. Time spent with my mother. A sweet boy playing Cariboo at seven in the morning, laughing and telling the worst knock knock jokes I’ve ever heard in my life (”Knock, knock…” “Who’s there?” “Monkey…” “Monkey who?” “Monkey ate a banana!!” *thud*). Some time to breathe. Coffee with a birthday boy.
And this child of mine who came racing to the house. Who gleefully told me who had been in trouble in PE today… but not him! The King of Everything was shifted out of his chair in teacher purgatory and allowed to rejoin his classmates at his usual place at the table. His cheeks were rosy and his eyes sparkled with the dawning delight: following the rules feels great.
This is a wonderful anniversary present, both for me and my ex, who had assumed, probably due to the distance between him and his son, both physically and connectedly, that the Kid’s misbehavior was due to our split… when in fact, the Kid is just as stubborn, bright, and headstrong as others in his family. He’s a class clown like his grammy, an instant expert like his father, a stubborn mule like his mama. He’s got his grandfather’s quick temper and sharp wit. He’s a handful. But mostly, he’s a handful of wonder, amazement, and delight.
I still haven’t bought myself that Ah Ring… even though I am Available and Happy. I can think of other things to blow some money on. But wouldn’t it be a nice anniversary present, to buy myself a diamond, at last?
Tags: Ah-Ring, anniversary, divorce, health, Oprah, separation, single-mother, single-womanRelated Stories
POSTED IN: sanity
5 opinions for the best anniversary present for a single mama
Madame M
Nov 14, 2007 at 8:40 am
Happy un-niversary then! And yay for Tae Kwon Do!
Kiri
Nov 14, 2007 at 5:48 pm
I stumbled across your blog awhile ago & never really had a reason to leave a comment, though I do enjoy reading about your son, he seems like a very sweet and adorable little boy….
Anyways, I am now becoming a single mother. I have 2 children, a 1 yr old girl and 2 1/2 boy. Frankly, I am terrified. I am young (20) and have only been married 1 1/2 yrs. I was just wondering if you could maybe provide some sort of advice or just a few kind words. I feel I am doing what is best for mine and my childrens future due to the nature of the relationship. No one agrees with me, my family is not supportive and I have become isolated from many of my friend because of the fact I have children and they do not. That makes a huge difference at my age I suppose. Sorry for rambling, I suppose I feel now there is someone I can correspond with that may understand.
FeeFiFoto
Nov 15, 2007 at 12:40 pm
Better than the ring, consider a trip to Disney World for the KOE and his mom. The memories might completely outweigh the rush of jewelry.
christina
Nov 15, 2007 at 1:03 pm
Kiri, I’m sorry you’re having to face this kind of change in your life. I am going to assume that you and your spouse have tried marriage counseling and have done everything you can to save your marriage. If you haven’t tried everything, please please do.
You need a game plan. How are you going to make ends meet? Are you going to college? Who will take care of your children when you are at work? Is your ex going to pay child support?
Sit down with a spreadsheet and list every expense you will have. Everything. From rent to ice cream cones on Saturdays. Add it all up. Give yourself a cushion of a couple hundred dollars extra for all the things you didn’t remember, like medical emergencies, going to the movies, birthday presents, etc. This is the amount of money you have to make every month.
Talk to your local social services office and find out what you’re eligible for. I know a mother of five who makes it on less than $1500 a month, and she says food stamps make all the difference.
Learn quick and easy and inexpensive recipes, and shop sanely. Don’t buy a lot of prepackaged, prepared foods. Keep the staples on hand so you’re less tempted to do something more convenient, and more expensive.
Figure out a way to get a college education.
Keep on stopping by here. Use the search function to find articles about things you’re wondering about. and let us know how you’re doing.
christina
Nov 15, 2007 at 1:04 pm
Thankee kindly, Madame M. It turned out to be a nice day, all things considered.
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