The Canadians have said it: divorce hits men harder
Thanks to Babylune for this quick link to an article on a study of divorce and depression between the sexes (Divorce Hits Men Harder: StatsCan, at TheStar.com). When I read that men are more prone to depression after a divorce than women, my sarcastic reation was well, it figures. he just lost his free maid, cook, chauffeur, girl Friday, valet, personal assistant, nanny, sex toy, therapist and household manager, of course he’s depressed… he just figured out how much it would cost to hire all those people!
But read closely and you’ll see a different story emerging, one of a species that does not network and surround itself in the kind of social network necessary for its survival. The article states that most men lose their social support system when they get divorced (see above for extensive list)… it also reminds us of the emotional toll losing day to day time with the kids can take on a guy’s morale.
You know what’s really telling? How about those of us who shed the depression and grief as soon as the relationship is over? What does that say about the marriage? besides, yes, yes, yes, get divorced!
But seriously. think about it. Divorced women have less income than single and married ones, and oftentimes are the primary caregivers for one or more children. If you still get up with a smile on your face and joy in your heart, despite the empty bank account, the leaky roof over your heads, and the constant barrage of whiny, “Mom!MOM!MOM!MOM!” at 6:30AM, then I think it’s safe to say you made the right choice.
Tags: anxiety, depression, divorce, kids, men, separation, single-mom, single-motherRelated Stories
POSTED IN: depression, divorce
6 opinions for The Canadians have said it: divorce hits men harder
America
May 23, 2007 at 5:33 am
Your writings are sometimes uncannily timely for me. I just this evening had a bit of a blow out with the ex over scheduling (actually quite an understatement) which made me realize just how much anger and unhappiness he is holding on to, to the point that I think he is jeopardizing our son’s happiness in order to “get back” at me (being rude and disrespectful to me in front of our son as well as my guests). At times I think he is angry because I AM so much happier now than I was when we were together. When we ended it last summer I honestly felt this HUGE cloud lifting. It wasn’t instantaneous, but the realization of my own happiness has only grown over the past 9 months. My ex on the other hand says that I ruined his life and stole all his dreams. I hear that I am a very bad person. I am trying to get us to family therapy…
Strangely, this may be the happiest I have ever been in my life over an extended period of time. I have a WONDERFUL child and a home I love and can manage to pay for while still spending plenty of time with my son. I have adult friends and I manage to spend time with them and do non-kid related things. I have a hobby/passion that I hope to be able to make some money at. What is there not to be positive about?
OK I’m done. I should go to bed. Thanks for the VERY appropos entry.
Amy Grant
May 23, 2007 at 12:38 pm
This is definitely true….
I wake up everyday with a smile on my face. I no longer have to walk on eggshells in my own home. The last 3 years since my divorce have been a blessing.
thanks for sharing the article!
Ike
May 23, 2007 at 3:15 pm
I wholeheartedly agree that men are hit harder by divorce for all the reasons stated. This was certainly the case in my situation. My ex had a great life - I was the breadwinner as well as the one to take care of everything for the kids and the house. He was responsible for almost nothing, so it has been a major wake up call for him to have to make enough money to support an apartment, pay his share toward the kids and more.
My question is - are we raising our boys to expect others (women!) to create and maintain their social networks, manage their homes, make their meals, care for their children and more? Would things be different for these men - even if divorcing - if they had different expectations? No disrespect intended to men who are fully involved with their kids and share household responsibilities … though this has been a trend with recently divorced women I know.
I have girls so I have only that perspective.
Thanks for the thought provoking topic!
Ike
Christina
May 23, 2007 at 3:25 pm
America, I am glad you’re feeling better. I once had a doctor prescribe anti-depressants on paper, but had a different prescription for me that she couldn’t write down on one of those little Rx pads: get a divorce.
I’ll never forget that. And historically, every time I have needed medication, it’s been because of a shitty relationship I was trying to save.
Christina
May 23, 2007 at 3:28 pm
Ike, you’ve given me a big topic to ponder. Historically, a man’s role was to make babies, and then go out and make money to provide for his family. If you read those ads from the 50’s, a good wife had martini and slippers waiting for the Man of the House to arrive, and then everything sort of revolved around him. Quiet, well-groomed kids, dinner on the table, a dutiful wife. In a lot of ways, I think what women are pushing for — involved men, emotionally attached families, a father with face time inside the home — is a healthier change from those past expectations. But no one really likes change. I hope men wake up and realize what they are missing when they think all they are responsible for is a paycheck. Some of my favorite men are stay at home dads. They have all the luck!
angel
May 28, 2007 at 1:31 pm
weird- a canadian blogger friend of mine just posted about the same thing. as a divorced dad he doesn’t entirely agree with the study… http://spaceshipsnippets.blogspot.com/2007/05/breaking-up-is-hard-to-do-if-kids-are.html
Have an opinion? Leave a comment: