The King of Everything will be four tomorrow
I’m in tears tonight because there’s just not enough time. I’ve already worked almost 30 hours this week and it’s only Tuesday. All I wanted to do tonight was lay on that little boy’s bed and snuggle him. But work is insane right now, and if I want to be able to take my lunch hour tomorrow and sneak over to his school for a piece of cake and a round of Happy Birthday, I’m going to have to be up all night working, tonight. There’s no way my kid’s fourth birthday is going to be just another day. No way. It’s hard enough that his father isn’t here… I’m not going to let being a single mother with a crazy career ruin a chance to wish the King of Everything a happy happy. You only turn four once.
This weather makes me ache for the baby he was. I remember the first few weeks, waking up to nurse him in the still small hours of the morning, his tiny body curled like a nut inside a shell, his bottom perched on my hand as though it was a curio shelf. Sitting on the futon in the back room, surrounded by the combined library of what are now his or my books, the lights down low, the windows open. Noise of the fishpond fountain tinkling small away in the back yard, the smell of winter warming to spring, with chlorophyll and damp dirt, night rain and lilies of the valley opening up their night perfume. Our time, that deep dark nighttime. A perfect moment of time outside time, when everything was still and breathless.
I miss the baby-ness of him with a physical ache, some days. I look at the photographs and my heart cries, “Oh! There you are! I wondered where you’d got to….” My heart’s desire, only I hadn’t known it at the time. Who ever could have convinced me I could love this much or this well? There’s hope for me, yet.
Tags: birthday, children, growing-up, single-mom, single-mommy, single-mother, single-motherhoodRelated Stories
POSTED IN: love
3 opinions for The King of Everything will be four tomorrow
Rebecca
Mar 28, 2007 at 11:21 am
Christina,
I’m sorry to hear you have been having a tough time. I haven’t been around lately, so I’m going to kinda catch up all at once here. :-)
My first question is why are you working so much? I know it’s a new job and you are looking to impress, but do they demand 60 hour weeks? Is the nature of your business so, that something can’t wait to be done tomorrow?
I’m sure your son understands. It sounds like you try so hard to spend time with him, and its QUALITY time. My ex spends time with the girls, but it’s only time. They don’t do anything together. He is usually busy with something else or GONE when they are over at his house.
Congrats on the plug in Parents Magazine!! That has got to make you feel good. :-)
Happy Birthday to the KoE! He will be so excited to have you come by the school today. I am sure it will be a wonderful day.
I’ll try to check back more often and see how you’re doing. Hang in there! Spring is in the air (well, maybe not HERE…!)and things will look brighter in the coming warm days.
Rebecca
Christina
Mar 28, 2007 at 12:14 pm
Rebecca, thank you so much for your kind note. I think work will be easier when I’m not new anymore. I’m trying to get stuff done and not let my learning curve slow the process down. Unfortunately, I’ve got one of those high profile, deadline intensive jobs. Thankfully, it’s in a field I love. We’ve hired another smart body to take the load off our department, so I hope things will calm down soon.
It’s the tug of two directions, child and career, that’s causing me some heartache right now. There’s never enough time.
I keep petting the books you sent us. Someday, I’ll read another one!
best
Christina
Kerri
Mar 29, 2007 at 3:15 pm
Happy Birthday to the little king, and big {{{hugs}}} to his courageous momma who’s given so much to make a joyful, secure life for him. It’s not just been four years since the birth of a baby, but of a mommy, too. Here’s to celebrating both of you. :)
Have an opinion? Leave a comment: