thoughts on finding the perfect mate
BlogXilla’s recent post got me laughing, grossing out, annoyed, and ultimately shaking my head. It is what it is. Dating as a single mother is all over the map, and I’ve written enough posts about truth in (dating) advertising, about not dating at all, about the history of your heart being written each day, about watching yourself for warning signs that you’re falling for the same kind of mess as the last time…
However you find the next Mr. Right, please be sure he’s Mr. Right, and not Mr. Right Now. This is to say, you’re interviewing him for two positions: your mate, and your child’s guardian angel. If ever the little voice in your heart whispers, “This one is not right for my child,” then PLEASE. Listen to that voice. Don’t ever put up with a man (or woman) just because you can’t make ends meet without him.
On the other hand, don’t be too judgmental of the potential Prince Charming. Remember, just because he’s sweeping you off your feet with tango, and lovely dinners, and ooh la la, and racy [edited for content], doesn’t mean he has nothing to offer the kid. Remember, people are complicated things, and your Prince might be an equally happy mucker about in football togs, or might have a knack for blowing things up with the eight year old’s chemistry set, or know all about knights and squires, as much as he knows about hedge funds and mutual rates and grown up stuff.
What I’m trying to say is, look at the suitor from all angles, and you might find depths, facets, that will make your children happy, too.
How you find him is up to you. There’s a lady in China who went singing for her supper companion:
A 49-year-old single mom from Changchun, Jilin Province, sang a song on the streets of Fuzhou, Fujian Province, on New Year’s Day in her search for a mate.
The woman, surnamed Fan, whose song read “I am a kind-hearted woman in want of a husband”, drew a huge crowd.
I hope she found a kind-hearted man with a gret set of skills.
Tags: children, dating, Mr.-Right, Mr.-Right-Now, sex, single-mom, single-mom-dating, single-motherRelated Stories
POSTED IN: dating
3 opinions for thoughts on finding the perfect mate
JP
Jan 16, 2008 at 6:55 pm
Interesting thoughts. Went through something similar, married a far better parent than I am.
But, in the midst of it all, I recalled an observation by a favorite author of mine. It went something like:
We are inculcated from birth with ideas of what romantic love is: standing on a mountaintop, consumed with fiery passion, almost exquisite agony of feeling. For a few brief moments, if we should capture such a feeling, our brains scream “Yes! It must be like this forever!”
But, a mountaintop is a very difficult place to live, and fire eventually burns. Hillsides are much more pleasant places to live, and sitting fireside is a treat we are too quick to ignore.
No one would suppose such eloquent thoughts (expressed far better in the original) in the novel: Cowboy Feng’s Space Bar and Grill (by Steven Brust).
Peace
christina
Jan 17, 2008 at 3:04 pm
Oh I agree with you. And as we can make mountains out of molehills, I’d like to think we can make mountains out of hillside abodes, from time to time.
And I’m going to have to find myself a copy of that book!
JP
Jan 17, 2008 at 4:51 pm
Mountains out of molehills. Yes, indeed we can. I have lived this, not conceptualized it. Not that it’s necessary to do both, but I find it more satisfying. So, thanks for that.
As it happens, the book is out of print. There are a number of excellent used bookstores around most major U.S. cities, though. I didn’t realize that when I posted initially, but upon checking for an ISBN, I found out it doesn’t have an active one.
It would be worth a reasonable (however defined) effort, I think. Re-reading it every few years has allowed me to appreciate different aspects of it that I lacked the experience or distance from events to do so at earlier readings.
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