Solo Mother

we don’t all stay single mothers for ever

by christina on December 26th, 2007

One of my favorite solomothers–a beautiful singer, a witty writer, a juggler of schedules and budgets and boo-boos and life–is no longer quite so single. Her beau proposed on Christmas day, and she said yes. Her ring is a beautiful blue stone, a topaz? Surrounded with little diamonds, it sparkles like the sky. Truly a unique engagement ring.

Another friend who is going through the divorce process (she’s a single mother again, but to a grown daughter) recently wrote a beautiful piece on the diamonds that have come and gone in her life. She, like me, is a bit of a sentimentalist, and has given diamonds with great sentimental symbolism to people who did not take care of them. She wrote about her longing, as she moved towards stability and independence, to buy herself her own diamond–but a dear friend of hers gave her a diamond necklace for Christmas, and her heart was full.

I have half-jokingly threatened on several occasions to get myself the Ah Ring. I haven’t had much luck with diamonds, either. My ex gave me a lovely ring with several small stones set in pav; but when we moved to Dubai, I became quite allergic to the metal in the ring, and had to stop wearing it. I was to inherit my grandmother’s engagement ring, a diamond my grandfather had worn in a ring of his own until he found his bride, and then he had it set for her. Unfortunately, it disappeared when she convalescing from a fall.

Diamonds are forever. They certainly outlast human frailty, cruelty, and the dissolution of marriage before its time. My grandparents are both gone, now, and there are few keepsakes to remember them by; I’ll have to remember the story of the diamond my grandfather bought before he had a bride. I’ll save my old engagement ring as a present for my son’s bride, and hope it brings her happiness and joy. And I’ll keep my own longings for a piece of forever close to the vest, so to speak. I don’t think I’ll buy myself a diamond, but you never know. I just might, as a symbol of my own success and happiness in my own life.

I am happy with the life we lead, right now, and if this is the way it is to be, then… so be it. I’ll find strong, patient, giving men to act as friends and role models for the King of Everything as he grows up, and I will focus my energies on career, family, and the occasional night out. If Prince Charming comes and sweeps me off my feet, twirls me around the dance floor of life with a laugh in his eyes and a kind word on his lips, then perhaps we’ll consider surrendering our independence. I’m not holding my breath and I’m not looking to be rescued. One of my friends recently found her Prince. One of them recently learned that no amount of love could make a Prince out of the man she married. We’re all working towards something better in this life.

Point is, the King of Everything and I are doing great. And that’s the most important thing. Be comfortable with where you are on the path of life. Make each day the best it can be. Practice the serenity prayer: I do not want what I have not got.

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