Well, how did I get here?
More than one path leads to single motherhood. I know women who never married the fathers of their children and women who never even met the fathers. One woman I know used a form of artificial insemination that brought images of turkey basters to mind: she wandered around with a capsule of frozen swimmers tucked safely in her armpit, gently warming up to body temperature. (No, you can’t get pregnant by sperm swimming in your armpit. Nuff said.) There is a growing number of thirty-something women who are tired of waiting around for Mr. Right to show up and opt for either adoption or Mr. Right Genetic Material. More on those single mothers some other night. Right now, I’m still All About Me.
Single mothers can also be wives, widows or divorcees. I will be one of the latter in something less than six months. I’m not happy about it–I never thought I’d be a divorced mother. Divorce was not an option, until one day it dawned on me that I was in an emotionally abusive relationship, a dishonest relationship, and that the man I’d married either hated my guts or was having an affair. Unfortunately, he wasn’t having an affair. He simply couldn’t stand me anymore. To be honest, I was less than enthralled with him. But still. Painful to realize the man who was once my best friend no longer wanted to be in the same room with me. If you’re separated or divorced, chances are, hindsight is kicking you in the hindquarters right about now. On a cool summer day in a cafe on the Champs Elysees (oh so poetic, no matter how miserable), I finally stopped fooling myself. I couldn’t fix our marriage, he didn’t want to, and our son was learning all the wrong lessons on love and marriage. I felt like the worst, most selfish woman alive when I finally gave up, gave in, and walked out of that cafe, single again, sobbing past the high end boutiques that line that famous boulevard.
Which is why I’m going to recommend that, if you facing the Bad Mother Blues, you read a book called, The Courage to be a Single Mother by Sheila Ellison. Her writing is eloquent, novel-ish, even, and she puts into words the fears that lurk in our 3AM souls. She’ll make you feel better. We’re not alone.
Related Stories
POSTED IN: divorce, essential reading, separation
4 opinions for Well, how did I get here?
Kate
Oct 10, 2006 at 4:05 pm
Nope, you’re not alone. Welcome to the wonderful world of comments! Get your ten posts out and let me hit you with some traffic. More women than you know need this blog.
christina
Oct 10, 2006 at 4:13 pm
I know I know! if only I didn’t have a day job!
At least I carry around my handy dandy bus writing book, so I can get some ‘work’ done while commuting. I’m thinking another day or two. Have to actually get the MarCom writing done that pays the bills.
Gloria
Oct 11, 2006 at 11:01 pm
just bumped into your blog. i’m a single mom too. fortunately for me, i didn’t marry my son’s father. or he didn’t marry me?! which one is better. ;-)
christina
Oct 12, 2006 at 9:45 am
Hi, Gloria! I’ve been mulling that one over. There’s no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to become a single mother, though I’d think single by choice would be the happiest way to do it.
Glad to see you here. If you have any advice for me… or want to hear something, let me know.
Have an opinion? Leave a comment: