Solo Mother

56 opinions for what I’m sick of, single mothers…

• Carrie
  Jan 22, 2008 at 8:35 pm

  *hugs*

• christina
  Jan 22, 2008 at 9:49 pm

  Thanks, Carrie. I’ll stop feeling sorry for myself in a little bit. Really I will. I mean, we’re reading Wind in the Willows. What’s not to love about life right now??

• feefifoto
  Jan 22, 2008 at 11:19 pm

  I’m terribly sorry for your unhappiness. I wish I could say something to make everything better. It’s terribly difficult when your child is little and can’t even express appreciation for everything you do for him. Being the single mother of slightly older kids, however, I can attest that they do have their moments of helpfulness and appreciation. Hang in there, and take as much from his smiles and hugs as you can.

• Healing Mom
  Jan 23, 2008 at 11:53 am

  You are not alone. I’m in the same boat, barely staying afloat in the stormy, unpredictable seas. There’s no easy answer is there? I can’t strip to earn a living, and I can’t turn tricks…lucky for me (?) I was brought up too well to turn to the sex trade, not to mention I’m getting close to 40, and it may not be worth all that much now anyway. Is there a sugar Daddy in the house? A benefactor? A kind government official that wants to contribute what he is wasting in Washington to the care & feeding of my adorable son? Yeah…didn’t think so! : )
  Just gotta keep on keepin’ on…

• Dawn
  Jan 23, 2008 at 12:17 pm

  Awww **HUGS** Your way. I know what you mean by everything! I’ll be thinking of you.

• Kelly
  Jan 23, 2008 at 2:48 pm

  *hugs*

  Hang in there. I know exactly how you feel. #12 is especially frustrating for me, with housework in general. I have an almost 12 year old who is perfectly capable of helping me, but sometimes it’s just easier to do it myself than to constantly argue with her to get off her butt. It’s enough of a struggle to get her to do simple things like throw her trash away, turn off lights and keep her room clean. I always feel like I’m in this endless cycle of housework with no hope of ever catching up. Forget finances… I don’t even want to talk about it. Her father is always off on extravagant vacations while I’m lucky if I can buy her a happy meal without having to use a credit card.

  On the positive side, isn’t it great to have our little ones all to ourselves? I love that part of it… that the two of us get to make our own way together and nobody is in our way. I don’t have to share my attention or love with anyone else, and I don’t have to argue with anyone about discipline issues or any of that. It’s all me, and I do enjoy that.

  As for Heath, we don’t know that he did this to himself. Those pills, as far as I’ve heard, were only sleeping pills. It’s possible that he just took too many by mistake or something. I want to believe that, because I hate the idea of any parent purposely leaving their small child behind.

• Andrea
  Jan 23, 2008 at 4:37 pm

  I hope you’re feeling better just after getting this out. There’s no doubt some have it better than others, and someone will always have it worse than you, but sometimes the self-pity can be overwhelming. I relate to how you feel about the housework, and just being the only adult in general. I am outnumbered by my two children, and I will never ever forget the day that was going particularly bad for me, and I cried, in front of my children (which added to my self-loathing) and my six-year old son said, “It’s just hard because you need another adult here.”

• christina
  Jan 23, 2008 at 8:07 pm

  Thank you, foto! I’m feeling better now. Just a momentary lapse of stiff upper lip.

• christina
  Jan 23, 2008 at 8:14 pm

  Dawn, thanks. I feel foolish having such a bad day, but I figured I’d let folks know, they aren’t the only one who want to stop the world and get off.

• christina
  Jan 23, 2008 at 9:58 pm

  Kelly, it is nice to have the kids all to ourselves, though my poor boy really could use a kind, consistent man in his life. Sigh. Dial A Dad. Rent-a-Husband.

  Yeah. I am utterly sick and tired of taking out the trash. And I have to do it again, tomorrow. Feh.

• christina
  Jan 23, 2008 at 10:00 pm

  Andrea, I hear you. I do feel better after having gotten it off my chest, and had a good cry with a great friend, and a glass of wine, and some soothing music, and up too late last night when I was meant to be sleeping… therapy. I’m ready to deal, again.

  The other day, I asked the KoE to give me what he was carrying so he could go safely down the stairs. “You never think about yourself, do you mom?” he asked me.

  Woah.

• Annie
  Jan 23, 2008 at 11:49 pm

  And I can’t even argue about the 50% or the time He should spend with his son…he just vanished upon knowing I was pregnant!

• christina
  Jan 24, 2008 at 8:05 am

  I hear you, Annie. He’s really missing out.

• Nancy
  Jan 24, 2008 at 8:21 pm

  Oh, Christina! I’m sorry. I know. I’m there- I guess most of us single moms are right there with you. Don’t apologize for blowing off steam. It helps to say the words and to know there are sisters out there hearing you, sending hugs and good wishes. It does me good just to read your list. It’s validating. Hang in there!

• Diana
  Jan 24, 2008 at 10:17 pm

  I just stumbled upon this site by doing a google search for some help with my own single mother issues, and I came across this and read the rant, and I AM RIGHT THERE WITH YOU!!! It literally made me realize I’m not alone. I’m in a small town and there aren’t many single moms here, most of the moms in this small town are married and don’t even work or only have to work part time. Reading this made me see I’m not the only one feeling this inside….hugs to you, and I’ll be back to read this blog more! Thank you for putting it into words, though I know its hard, I also feel justified that I’m not the only one.

• christina
  Jan 24, 2008 at 10:25 pm

  Nancy, it’s so good to see you again.

  I just feel bad, cause I know I’ve got it good compared to some. I’m all better now. In large part because single moms like you let me know it’s ok to lose, and loose, my crapola upon the world every once in a while.

• christina
  Jan 24, 2008 at 10:27 pm

  Hey, Diana! Welcome to SoloMother…

  Nah, you’re not alone.

  I was having fantasies the other day of a kind friend who would take me by the hand, come into my house, and help me get it clean and organized. And I’d gladly do the same for her. I dream about Freecycling the majority of the contents of my home and living with uncluttered surfaces, spotless floors, bright, unsmudged walls.

  Oh well.

• Andrea
  Jan 25, 2008 at 10:01 am

  it is always comforting to read what i feel….this way i know i am not alone. when i feel like this, the realization i am slipping into the self pity quicksand trap…i use the tool graditude….i start writing a list of things i am grateful for…and in there shelter, eyesight…basics are listed…things i take for granted….and my 3 children are at the top of the list…we are here momentarily…this too shall pass…things could be worse…i know slogans that we may not want to hear…but every coin has two sides….sometimes graditude creates a paradigm shift…then the way we look at things makes them seem better….

  please cut and paste this to post when i feel the same way you do…..it happens…

  peace

• sarah
  Jan 25, 2008 at 10:40 am

  I am pretty much in the same boat. And really at the end of the day…it’s the damn trash that gets to me!!

• Rebecca
  Jan 25, 2008 at 11:19 am

  I just came upon your site and I love it. We all have these days. ESPECIALLY taking out the garbage…when it’s -5 degrees and there’s snow and ice everywhere. You’ll get your own house some day, I finally did after living with my parents for 5 years. I did a first time home buyers program and recieved $5000 for a down payment, maybe you’ve checked into something like that, usually if it’s been 7 years since you’ve owned a home, you’re considered a first time homebuyer. Good luck, and thanks for making me feel like I’m in good company!

• Jen
  Jan 25, 2008 at 11:49 am

  AMEN!

  My 6.5 year old’s “father” is in jail for not paying child support (15k in arrears) and I just found out this week that he’s got another one on the way! I’m not sure who’s more the dummy - him for letting it happen or her for having a child with someone who doesn’t take care of his first.

  I’m guessing we’ll not be seeing any support any time soon. Just a hunch. :)

  Keep your chin up and know that there are many of us out there … and we’re all sick of it. BUT WE get the hugs and kisses, WE get to see the school shows, WE get the “I love you, Momma’s” and WE get to see their sleeping faces at night and know they are safe and WE’VE done everything in our power to make that possible.

• Kristi Zola
  Jan 25, 2008 at 12:02 pm

  I just found this site as well and started reading it because I was feeling so isolated this morning. Taking out the trash never bothers me, because to me it is a sign of FREEDOM. Every day without him is a gift I have given to myself and I enjoy doing those chores I had to do when I lived with him anyway.

  I made some huge changes when I got my life back. I moved to a small town in Vermont. I learned to lean on the system because I wanted to go back to school and raise my children myself. I think it’s more important to be a mother than to work 60 hours a week trying to pay the bills. In the end, my three children would rather spend time with me.

  So I learned to put aside all pride, ask for lots of help, sign up for every scholarship I could find (for me and for them), and live in low income housing. I just hope that there is such a thing as KARMA, because I sure am saving it up!

• Ashleigh
  Jan 25, 2008 at 12:08 pm

  Everything you have said here is everything I have been feeling so much lately. Im bitter towards happy couples who have help when they dont need it, Im bitter because when my daughter does see her father she runs to him and is so damn happy to see him it breaks my heart, because while shes hugging and loving him up, he’s explaining to me why he has no money this week for us, but that he will owe me. If homeboy paid what he owed me, that could probably be a downpayment on a house, or atleast a nice weekend with the girl, just me and her. I always hear, just wait when she’s older she will know where everything came from. She will know who she can rely on, but what about now, while I am crying myself to sleep because I am working full time, I am in school full time and I am a single mother full time, and all I am just tired. Im losing that spirit I used to have. I love my daughter I wont ever take back my decision to do this, but I dont want to become so bitter and cynical that she thinks its because of her. The one question that keeps popping in my head is; Why do I have to work so hard and her father so little, why does my cousin and his wife who have a baby and both have dual incomes get the help from my family that I need? Is it because Im a single mother? Is it because my life is messy? Is it because I have circles under my eyes, my clothes are wrinkled and I constantly have finger print stains from whatever my daughter was eating on me? Why?

• Melissa
  Jan 25, 2008 at 12:39 pm

  Goodness Ashleigh, I feel like I was reading my own words!

  It is so so hard and like you, I wouldn’t change having my daughter for the world but I last time I checked I didn’t climb on top of myself and get pregnant! If I could just live one day and think only of myself! Shower and not worry what will be detroyed when I get out, use the bathroom, go to the mall *tear* for something other clothes for the little diva I have created. Unfortunately, in attempts to make up for the fact that my daughter has no father, I spoil her rotten. Shoes, clothes, happy meals, then I get hand-me-downs from a neighbors daughter.

  Ugh! Thanks for listening to me vent!

• Melissa
  Jan 25, 2008 at 12:43 pm

  I almost forgot… maybe it’s those hand-me-down clothes, untrimmed hair, stains on every item of clothing I own, the spoiled know-it-all, sweet, intelligent kid, and the bags under my eyes that keep any guy in his right mind from speaking to me. Ahh the perks of single-motherhood!

• Nikie Cummings
  Jan 25, 2008 at 1:45 pm

  I am a single Mom getting ready once again to have to go out on my own with no one to help me, I live in Arizona, and the father lives in Ohio, he has not seen his son since his was 18 mos old and my son is now 8 yrs old. He is supposed to pay us 162.00 month (wow) how does that even help in this economy. My boyfriend and I of 4 yrs are getting ready to split for good and I will have to endure all costs for all bills again on my own, I am scared and so fearful of how I can make it, how am I going to aford daycare, utility bills, car payments, insurance (medical-car), on the money that I make?? And the worse part is that I don’t even know where we are going to go at the end of Feb. that I can afford with the bills that I have??? I have tried to imagine trying to find a roomate to help out but have never lived with anyone but in a relationship? Any suggestions and does anyone know if I might qualify to live in subsidized housing? I don’t even know where to begin, I bring home approx. 1600.00 mo. which doesn’t seem like much but thebills add up to more than I can bring home??I am scared and angry with his father, and my son doesn’t seem to understand that we will be moving in a month and things will be way different then they have been while living with my soon to be ex….any help I would appreciate it, I never at 38 yrs old expected to be in the situation I find myself in now…nikie

• Terri
  Jan 25, 2008 at 1:46 pm

  I just happened upon this site and all of your notes and I don’t feel so alone! I’ve never even read a blog before. I was searching for a way to work from home so I can spend more time with my 6 year old and 2 year old. I hate not having any support but I do love having them to myself. I hate feeling like I have to do more and do better than my married counterparts. Im ever so grateful that I get to chose our path though even if I am a little paniced.
  Thank you for your voices. It’s good to know Im not the only one with these feelings.

• Terri
  Jan 25, 2008 at 2:11 pm

  O.K. I said Im a “little paniced”. Scratch that, insert, very paniced, hugely paniced, so anxious and stressed that I thought I was having a stroke a couple of weeks ago. Even thought I might be starting menopause! Nope, just stressed.
  Glad Im not alone.
  Thanks!

• Kristi
  Jan 25, 2008 at 2:42 pm

  Nikie,

  Subsidized housing isn’t too hard to find or get into, as long as your credit is okay and you have good references. You also can’t have a record with a felony because they do a background check. The housing where I am is much nicer than any apartment I could rent in town. I have a 3 bedroom including all utilities for $84 a month. They have you pay 1/3 of your income and there are also some deductions for children, daycare, etc.
  Here’s a link to the AZ HUD housing website. If it doesn’t work just google “hud housing.” Good luck!
  http://www.hud.gov/local/index.cfm?state=az

• Ave
  Jan 25, 2008 at 3:03 pm

  You are truly not alone. I live far away from my entire family (thanks to my job). I am alone. No partner, no potential partners (every “nice” man is married). I have to play rock paper scissors on which bills get paid each month, except for rent and childcare which is as much as the rent. The only thing that helps me make it through the days are my little girl and the fact I “treat” myself to Starbucks on the weekend. Then of course I feel worse that I spent $4 on myself when I could have used the $4 to contribute to the $3.00/gal gas.
  Enough of my gripe. Ladies, stay strong. We make it work somehow. Don’t question, Just DO! And do it well.

• Terri
  Jan 25, 2008 at 3:44 pm

  Hang in there Nikie. Start with WIC. Im 38 with a 6 year old and a 2 year old and just moved from Arizona to Illinois. I was left with absolutely nothing two years ago and I had to go on WIC. You can find the number of an office near where you live in the phone book and probably on line. I was so embarrassed that I was in the position to have to ask for help but I had to do it for my kids. They were kind to me and can point you in the direction of more assistance if you need it. i.e. health care. It’s worth looking into.
  Keep your chin up. Your doing the right thing- the best that you can.

• Jen
  Jan 26, 2008 at 11:30 pm

  Ave - well put. Enjoy your Starbucks and your little girl.

  Jen

• Old Lady
  Jan 27, 2008 at 4:26 pm

  Long ago I decided not to have children because the world seemed to be not a very nice place to raise them. I made my choice, you ladies made the choice to have children. Guess we all have to deal with the consequences of our decisions, no matter how difficult and painful they are.

• christina
  Jan 27, 2008 at 9:30 pm

  :) Hi, Old Lady. I’m glad you’re content with your decisions. We are, with ours, too. Don’t you ever just wish you could stay in bed, not go to work, not make the bed, not answer the phone, pay the bills, brush your teeth?

  Sometimes, that’s how we single mothers feel.

• Annie
  Jan 27, 2008 at 11:37 pm

  Everyone is allowed to there opinions, and Old Lady, you made that choice, but despite all the little pains, it was worth it for me! If everyone was to decide that the world is a bad place, it wouldn’t take long for us, human, to become extincted.

  My choice was well thought. I was 33 years old and single, but decided I wouldn’t spend my life alone on this planet: too many good things too share and enjoy still! Seeing the smile on my son’s face everyday is enough to make it all worth while

• christina
  Jan 27, 2008 at 11:44 pm

  Annie, I’m glad your little one brings such joy.

  I’m guilty of raising a little warrior, an idealist and a protester, LOL… We talk all the time about the environment, and eco-friendly building practices, and tolerance and understanding among people of different religions, races, and opinions… I figure, we can only make the world a better place by teaching our children to be better than we.

• feeling bad for "old lady"
  Jan 28, 2008 at 2:13 pm

  Old Lady, where I beleive everyone here appreciates others feedback, I dont beleive yours is needed. Perhaps you stumbled across this site because you are infact unhappy about your decision. Furthermore I feel bad that you will never get that joy of having a smiling child look up to you. Much luck to your lonely and miserable existance.

• Rebecca
  Jan 28, 2008 at 4:42 pm

  Old Lady…your opinions are yours. Sometimes people need a place to vent and welcome ears (or eyes) who will listen (or read). No one here is saying “What a horrible choice I’ve made” they are saying “There are days that are hard” and the rest of us are saying “I hear you”. Please let us have that. Why are you reading this site anyway? I don’t go to “Old Lady” sites and judge them.

• Terri
  Jan 28, 2008 at 6:39 pm

  Well put Rebecca.
  Thank you! :-)

• Melissa
  Jan 29, 2008 at 5:09 pm

  It’s unfortunate that there is always an “Old Lady” to come through and start running their mouths. We know it was our choice to do this but, you know what, sometime we just need someone to talk to about things.

  Let’s not let one Old Lady bring us all down.

  : P

• Being a Single Mother By Choice » Keep Up With Me
  Feb 4, 2008 at 10:28 am

  […] is with their decision to be a single mother, it’s hard to do everything by yourself. She has a list of 13 things that she’s “sick of” dealing with as a single mother, and sums it up this way: It’s hard. […]

• Shannon
  Feb 10, 2008 at 11:00 pm

  I just read thru your article and I understand what you are going thru. There are so many of us in your shoes and I have to ask—-Did it feel good to just get it all out? They keep telling me it will make you stronger—-but dont you just want to smack them in the face and tell them you are tired of being the strong one. There are many out there that appreciate this venting —-you said it all and not just for yourself but for all of us that are out there in the same shoes

• Nikie Cummings
  Feb 11, 2008 at 12:38 pm

  Hey all…i appreciate all the feedback i received, and it looks like life may be looking up, may have found a place that i can afford, i will have a horrible drive everyday to work, but at least i have a job!! It will be 80 miles a day, but who knows eventually i may find a job closer, it’s just that i love my job and they are like family to me here, but we will see. Keep me in your prayers that we get this apartment!! Thanks
  and i have to say this too…i would not for a minute change the fact that i have my wonderful 8 yr old son… it’s just at times it is incredibly hard to do things “alone” and feel at times “alone” even though we have our children… it still feels lonely and alone and scary and i get mad, and angry, and i sit many days and cry…. but then the day comes that i pick my head up and pull myself together and realize that i am blessed and wouldn’t change a thing (well i would change my money situation and take a donation of like $10,000, or hey even $5,000.00… ha ha) or better yet just have that money tree in my backyard and get what i need when i need it!! ;-)
  anyway i know there is not one woman on here that would not want the children that they have!! We are blessed with them and given the opportunity to raise them to be amazing world changing adults. I know my son is so much like me it’s frightening at times but lord knows i will do everything to not allow him to struggle the way i chose in my life…
  Thanks for letting me ramble on…i love getting your feedback and knowing that i am by far not alone in this new endeavor of being a single mom!!! Nikie

• Dennis Driscoll
  Apr 8, 2008 at 9:57 am

  Nicki,
  I want to reply to this quote
  “it’s just at times it is incredibly hard to do things “alone” and feel at times “alone” even though we have our children… it still feels lonely and alone and scary and i get mad, and angry, and i sit many days and cry”

  I will have to tell you a little about myself first.
  I am 52 years old, Single Never Married and No Kids. I have had several long term relationship which I ended up heartbroken when I was dumped.
  Now that I look back in Life I realize that I was not that happy in them but I would have never had the strength to be the one to end the relationship. What you say is that even though you have your child you still feel lonely. I remember times in between relationships around the holidays where I would feel lonely and pitiful.
  I always had and still do some wonderful friends who would invite me over for one of the Holiday Dinners being it was Christmas or whatever. Anyway the point I am getting at is this. I could be sitting there with my best friends having the time of my life and I still felt lonely. Believe me that sucked.

  So what usually happened in time was I would end up in another relationship for the wrong reasons. I always felt that another person would bring me happiness. You know the perfect girl in my case. But you know what never happened. I will blame myself though because whatever I was seeking no-one could bring me. I have not been involved in a relationship for almost 7 years now and I could not be happier. I am blessed to be finaly content in my life and the Holidays are a piece of cake. Now my same friends who I love dearly have to persuade me to come over. Of course I go but I no longer feel lonely when I am there.

  It took me a lot to be honest with myself about the whole love thing, and frankly I dont know how I ever came to this point but I realize that my own happiness has come from inside of me. My mistake was thinking someone else could bring it to me. In fact I expected it!

  I am also not ashamed to say the same thing about sex. I have not had any of that for the same period either. I cannot for the life of me seperate the two. Love and Sex. Everytime I start getting interested in someone we hang and go out we have fun, but the minute after sex I fall in love so to speak. I think many people go through this also and relationships are based on that moment. The minute life kicks in and there is not as much time for one another because of work, kids house etc. The Man usualy is unhappy because he is not getting laid. ( I am sorry I hate to sound so blunt) I also think most Men are like me they think they need the sex to feeled loved. blah blah blah.

  Anyway enough from me and I hope I have made some sense while I am blabbing a way here.

  Good luck to all of you and
  God Bless.

  Dennis

• christina
  Apr 8, 2008 at 10:14 am

  Dennis, thank you for sharing this with us. I think that whole ‘relationship trap’ is something we must be on our guard against. Nothing worse than getting into a relationship just so you don’t have to be alone.

  I’m glad you found your way through to a great relationship! And yes, love and sex aren’t the same things, but we often confuse them… and when the first rush of attraction wears off, you have to take a good, hard look at what you have left, and be honest about whether it’s healthy.

• Claire
  Apr 12, 2008 at 11:02 am

  Yep, been there, done that! Mine is 16 now, but I still struggle although now I am just a few months from having it all be over. And, she does know now who took care of her and sacrificed for her…She has a very good work ethic because of it and we’re trying to find her a job now that she’s sixteen. What a load off my shoulders that will be if I see she is able to support herself for a change! Of course, she still lives with me and I still have problems paying my bills, but at least I know the job is nearly done and I can step back and NEVER EVER do this again. Forget it! I had a boyfriend who wanted to get married and have babies and I firmly DUMPED HIM. No more babies, ever…There’s no guarantee you won’t be doing the whole single mama thing again when they change their mind about wanting them. Then, at my age, it’s likely if I get married again I’ll end up taking care of some sick and elderly guy (since they kick the bucket earlier then women). Honestly, the whole thing makes me cringe even years afterwards…It’s time someone took care of me for a change, and if that ain’t happening, I’d rather be alone. At least, that way, I can pay my bills on time.

• holly
  Apr 26, 2008 at 1:16 pm

  I just googled “sick and tired of being a single mother.” It’s nice to see that I am not the only one struggling with this life. I know I’m not, but I feel better actually reading it on the website. It’s great that you are helping to encourage others.

• tonya
  Apr 27, 2008 at 10:12 pm

  Well I am a single mother of 3 daughters 8,12, and 17. I had my first child at age 16 years old. My mom kicked me out of the house and since then i have raised myself and my children. I was beat by the kids dad and was homeless and had no family 2 support or help me. So I did it by myself. I am 33 years old now and i still sit here and get so mad at my kids father, my mother and my father, and my extended family. I can say my kids are all doing good in school and do respect others. But what makes me mad is that i have 2 be the strong person all the time, and some days i am about to lose it. I never get a brake and i dont no if that is being selfish because sometimes i just want to go for a day or 2 by myself and take that brake. But if i did i wouldnt be able 2 stop calling them and checking on them. My question is what should i do. Am I being selfish. Please tell me what you think, I have nobody and would love the advise.

• christina
  Apr 27, 2008 at 10:27 pm

  Holly, I’m sorry you had to find me that way but thanks for making me laugh out loud! What a way to be found!
  I think everyone has those days. I’m sure folks google, “Sick of being a mom”, and come up with sympathetic friends. I know that once, I’d messed up so badly my mom told me I’d ruined her life. You better believe she was sick of being a mom that day. But look at us, 30 years later, living in the same building.

  It gets… better. Different. A new set of OMGWTFBBQ days are around the corner.

• christina
  Apr 27, 2008 at 10:29 pm

  Tonya, if you have the money to do it, get all your kids packed off to friends’ houses for the weekend and give yourself a mini-vacation. You need it. No one should have to be on duty, 24/7, for 17 years. Hell no. Even if your vacation is at home, with no kids, for a night, get it! You’re fine. You’re normal. It’s not selfish. There’s nothing wrong with wanting some time off. *hugs*

• tonya
  Apr 29, 2008 at 1:51 am

  I am so happy i have found a site that i can talk, and let my feelings out. I am just new 2 this but i am already amazed, i feel im not alone, and life can get better even though us women have 2 struggle, and work hard for our kids well being and our own well being. I am open 2 here every new advice and I will do what i can to talk to others. You are positive role models and i want 2 learn and be positive as you r………….luv tonya!!!

• christina
  Apr 29, 2008 at 10:22 pm

  Tonya, you’re not alone. Build your tribe. We’ll hang here for you online til you find what you need in your own neighborhood. Women need to be there for each other. Vent all you need.

• Tonya
  May 3, 2008 at 9:46 pm

  Christina, thanks for the advice i have been doing better. I am in the process of trying 2 make a time for myself. Not easy but am going to do. thanks

• CJ
  May 19, 2008 at 10:54 am

  Look, I have and still am there. Go back to school and get an education to get that better job and turn stuff around! You can do it!! If I can do it with a 2 and 5 year old, having NO CHILD SUPPORT coming in and not making very much while renting a house too so can anyone. My ex has never paid support and owes me OVER $50k IN BACK SUPPORT!!! He even went to jail for it. Oh yeah…he also has a felony domestic violence against me so I not only endured being beaten on for years until I finally was able to leave but in 1 years time this is what I did. I got into my house, bought a new car, went back to school, got a better job, and actually was able to afford a trip to Disney with my 5 year old for his birthday. We all have bad day’s but being in a relationship is not your answer it is only what you think will make things better. You have to look at the plus side of not having to deal with another person’s bullshit! Let’s face it…there are good men out there but more bad ones. So what if you take out the trash. Teach your kids to clean and help like I do already. Life is what you make of it and it’s all about your attitude. I don’t have parents to help, family of no kind around and yet it’s OK. You don’t need a gym…go outside and run or rent a DVD from the library. There are positive answers to everything so STOP IT! At least you were not abused, you are getting some support and you have your health and parents to get your kids things…I DON”T!!

• christina
  May 19, 2008 at 11:04 am

  Go, CJ go. I do agree with you.

  if this blog were full of whining all the time, i’d be worried about me. As it is, I think it’s healthy to let off steam about the little stuff from time to time. Doesn’t mean anyone’s going to go get into a bad relationship just so they don’t have to be alone. Feel free to flip through the blog a little more and I think you’ll see, SoloMother encourages women to be self-reliant, educated, and empowered. Just like you.

• CJ
  May 19, 2008 at 11:09 am

  THANKS!! All I ever want to do is give another person and that’s a man or a woman the kick in the pant’s that they may need to maybe just maybe shake them up enough to get them to look at how good they have it or how much better it can be! I don’t ever want a women to settle because we all know those women and we see it. The ones who are married just to say that they are married but have that miserable look on their face. My mom was one of those. Every day I could see it and still do! If you can find a partner who doesn’t make you feel like that great…but if you don’t right now…that’s OK too. Trust me…I spent many days and nights complaining myself so I have been there and still have my moments.

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