What to do when your kid stabs you in the heart? Smile.
Ouch. I am not liking this single mother guilt trip I’m constantly on. The latest pangs came on Wednesday when I made my way, happy and excited to finally see him, to school to pick the King of Everything up. He came running around the corner, saw me, and stopped dead in his tracks. Burst into tears. Then, he started howling, “I wanted my grammy to pick me up! NOT YOU!”
“Hi, boo, glad to see you too,” I said, smiling. “I’m sorry you’re disappointed…” I was at a loss. What could I do? My heart was cracking.
“I love my grammy more than I love you,” he said in his little boy voice. Well, that was the final cut. I went into full martyr mode — thankfully, on the inside. I’ve been killing myself for the last seven days, working one full time job as well as writing copy for five websites, designed two site architectures, way behind on 14 e-bursts, and heaven knows what other projects I’ve completely dropped. I haven’t slept more than three or four hours a night since the 15th of November. All so I can make sure we can keep this damned roof over our heads, food in our bellies, clothes on our backs… and he doesn’t even want to go home. Well, #@(&@#^ me for living. Yeah, I have to get over myself sometimes.
It really, really hurt, though. I feel so guilty for the choices I’ve had to make. I know my kid would be much happier if I could pick him up after school every day, and we could spend some time together. He’s angry and hurt at the big changes that his life has undergone, and he’s too little to realize that his mama’s hurt and angry about those changes, too, and really wishes things could be different.
At least he has people he does love. And sometimes he still loves me bigger than the universe, so I really can’t complain.
What do you do when your kid declares his or her love for someone else? When they aren’t happy to see you?
Tags: divorce, guilt, kids, single-mom, single-mother, single-parent, tantrumsRelated Stories
POSTED IN: mother's guilt
10 opinions for What to do when your kid stabs you in the heart? Smile.
Amy at Fannfare
Dec 2, 2006 at 11:12 pm
You could have written about my last week! My little one has been jonesing for her aunt, my sister — or her Daddy. Either way, it’s not me she wants to see when I pick her up, but it’s me she gets. It does hurt, and I’m sorry for you. Especially because you exhibit such bravery — bravery that he will not understand until he is a grown man that stays with his family and loves his wife and children well because of the example YOU have set for him. It doesn’t help IN THE MOMENT but it is absolutely true that they do it because they are insecure about the HUGE love they have for their mothers, and they must test it sometimes. Keep writing about it, keep loving him, keep on doing what you are doing.
Hell, I’LL pick him up one day and do a MAJOR build-up of GOING HOME TO SEE MAMA if it will help!
I love you.
Amy
Ratphooey
Dec 3, 2006 at 5:06 am
I am glad that my son has so many people in his life who love him, and whom he loves. That helps quiet even the internal screaming when he appears to display even a momentary preference for someone else. Because I don’t really want a kid who clings only to me. Even though I secretly wouldn’t mind.
christina
Dec 3, 2006 at 11:36 am
Amy, it wouldn’t help. You have the Basement of A Thousand Delights. He would want to stay with you forever.
We’ll have to do a sleepover night when the man’s in Colorado. Cause me and the kid, we can use all the love we can get! and decaf coffe… and brownies.
christina
Dec 3, 2006 at 11:38 am
Lady, you whistlin dixie. With a little cherub like yours, I’d have a hard time sharing his love with anyone. But you’re right. Part of me was devastated. Part of me was chuffed he’s got folks in his life he can love that hard. Sigh.
Ratphooey
Dec 3, 2006 at 11:46 am
I did mention the internal screaming!
Paul
Dec 3, 2006 at 1:38 pm
Oh, if I could tell you the number of times in the last month I’ve picked my daughter up from school — only to have her give me the look of death… and after trying to run and hide from me… I have to carry her bodily out of school kicking and screaming… I’ve received the silent treatment in the car many times… comments like “I want MOMMY to pick me up!”… and “NO, I only like MOMMY’s kisses, not YOURS!!”. They know not what they do or say at this age. They really don’t. And especially with my daughter who is already an emotional rainbow… my only solice comes because her mother has told me similar stories of having to carry her out.
It’s hard NOT to take it personally… but you need to try.
Christina
Dec 3, 2006 at 3:12 pm
Paul, it sucks. I can only hang on and wait for the day I’m the grandmother and my son’s kid does it to him.
Then, we’ll talk. LOL
Your daughter is a spitfire. I know it will serve her in good stead… though it’s going to make your job more difficult!
Christina
Dec 3, 2006 at 3:13 pm
Phooey, have your internal scream call my internal scream and they’ll do lunch. With plenty of cocktails.
Rebecca
Dec 5, 2006 at 11:25 am
Just wait - it gets better, wiat until he is old enough to say he hates you. ;-)
I have a 14 yo daughter, 11 yo daughter, 2.75 yo boy and 1 yo boy. The 14 yo hasn’t spouted the “I hate you!” yet - but I feel it coming…
And the almost 3 yo ONLY wants MaMa…Daddy can’t do a thing. Which can be just as frustrating!!
christina
Dec 5, 2006 at 12:07 pm
Rebecca, yeah, I’m really looking forward to that one. SIGH. I’ve got to ingrain my new mantra, “Just wait til he has kids, just wait til he has kids, just wait til he…”
It’s a long time to wait, though.
My poor boy, after his out and out rejection of me during the day, always wakes up at around two in the morning crying for me, and won’t go back to sleep until he’s snuggled into the circle of my arms. Sigh.
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