When it’s too hard to ask for help
A fellow single mom recently lamented the lack of willing help from her family. Her parents and a sibling live nearby, and yet, on the rare occasions when she asks for help–aka, can the kids stay at your house tonight?–she never gets an easy, “Yes, of course!”
Instead, her family hems. And haws. And might be doing something then. And just plain old makes her feel awful for even asking.
So if you’re a family member, a friend of a single mother, or some other person on the receiving end of the occasional plea for some Sanity Time, please stop and consider our plight.
First of all, I don’t think we’d be asking you to take the kid(s) if you didn’t at least sort of like the little blighters. And if you’re a grandparent, you should be thrilled to have some one on one time with your child’s progeny. Right? And if you’re a fellow single mom, you can bet you’ll get some payback down the road, and your friend will be there when it’s your turn to need a helping hand. It’s so difficult for us to ask for help. We don’t want to be a burden.
And even worse, we don’t want to be made to feel as though we ARE a burden.
So please, if a single mom asks you for a little help, a little sanity time, and you’re not doing something when the need arises, say yes. Please? We’ll be so happy and grateful, and we might even get to recharge our batteries enough to do something wonderful for you.
(thank you thank you thank you, mom and dad and kat and fran and amanda and renee and all you wonderful people out there who always say, “Sure, no problem!” but mostly? thanks to my parents for being the Best. Grandparents. Ever.)
Tags: help, sanity, single-mom, single-motherRelated Stories
POSTED IN: childcare, helping out
6 opinions for When it’s too hard to ask for help
Susan
Oct 1, 2007 at 9:36 pm
Amen! Like you, I’m so fortunate that my parents at least ACT like it’s a divine privilege to watch my kids while I go about the processes involved in this whole divorce thing (lawyer meetings, job searching, work, etc.). So many of us don’t have that.
Someone took a picture of me the other day, and I couldn’t believe how TIRED my eyes looked. We all need a break sometimes.
Sharyn
Oct 1, 2007 at 9:44 pm
And if I might add: please offer to help with the kids even if the parents aren’t single. My parents are endlessly helpful to me and my sister, but my sister’s inlaws can’t be bothered to lend a hand. My father, the philosopher, figures this just gives him more time with his beloved grandchildren, but these people simply NEVER step up to the plate and that’s just wrong.
kat
Oct 1, 2007 at 10:05 pm
It’s so hard being a single parent, we really need all the helping hands we can get, and if people even just watch them for an hour, it’s a total sanity saver.
I remember when my boys were little, and their great gram would take them an entire weekend, once a month. That weekend was the time I got my house super clean, took a relaxing bath, read a book, had adult time with girlfriends. It saved my mental health every month, and the best part, she absolutely loved doing it.
My parents used to take them when I had appointments or class at school too.
It’s so nice having people help.
Me and my single mom girlfriends, used to trade babysitting. It was awesome. we all got our own time, and helped each other with everything.
Amy
Oct 1, 2007 at 10:57 pm
Thanks. :)
You know, people think because they step in “for emergencies” it’s enough… but — while it’s great to know that safety net is there… the odd free night (or two hours!) is always a welcome gift!
Leslie
Oct 2, 2007 at 11:43 am
Man do I know it. Even though you *know* you need to every now and again, after leaving them to go to work or school and it feels like you’re never there enough as it is. Luckily, going to grandmas or doing something fun never seems to get old to them :)
I already have to beg borrow or steal babysitting on the weekends for work so I usually try to fit a dinner in before/after when I can and multitask. But I’m going to make a bigger effort to offer to others, since I know a married girlfriend that really needs more time to herself like it or not!
angel
Oct 8, 2007 at 12:54 pm
oh what a brilliant post christina!!! i have been very blessed with my wonderful parents and siblings- and i try and help out my fellow single moms if i can!
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