When you fight for custody, who are you really protecting?
I’ve been hearing about some pretty nasty custody battles, both between famous folks and just plain jane folks. When I talk to the fathers, they seem to have despaired of ever getting to spend enough time with their children; mothers seem adamant about never letting their kids out of their sight.
What’s going on?
Unless the father of your child has a history of physical, sexual, or emotional abuse, you, single mom, don’t have the right to refuse him access to your children. Unless he has clearly abandonned the babe, he has a right to want to spend time. Even if his idea of spending time with the kid is parking him or her at grandma’s after a few hours spent staring at the offspring wondering what on earth to DO with a two year old… your child’s father has the right to try (and yes, I know, not every grandmother is fit to take care of a child…).
All I ask, before you call up your lawyer and run your fees sky high in a bidding war to keep the man who broke your heart from hugging your child… all I ask is that you are completely honest with yourself about why.
Are you trying to get full custody of your child because you genuinely believe some harm will come to him or her if left in the unsupervised care of your ex? Or are you trying to punish him for the lying, the affairs, the broken hearts and the nasty fights? Or simply for not being the right one?
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POSTED IN: divorce
2 opinions for When you fight for custody, who are you really protecting?
dreamsit
Jul 27, 2007 at 1:04 am
I would like to thank you for this short piece. I do believe that many women fight to protect thier own interests. Our son is beaten up mentally every time he tries to see his daughter, who means everything to him. Right now we are fighting for grandparent rights as we are no longer allowed to see our grand daughter after having her for 5 years. all because we made her mother mad. we are all suffering at the hands of her mother for motives all her own. we are in a state of depression without our sweet girl and are workng to get her back in our life.
Christina
Jul 27, 2007 at 8:19 am
Dreamsit, I am sorry your family is suffering. I’m wondering if your son’s ex would agree to family counseling, if ever she will understand that, even though the partnership is over, the relationship never can be. I feel for you all… including the mother, who must be suffering terribly to cause such pain in others.
Please let me know how you are doing. I’ll be thinking of you.
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