Why? Because I said so
Patricia Dalton of the Washington Post writes an amusing, wry, and interesting article on the loss of respect in parental circles. Go ahead and read, “A Lost Art: Instilling Respect”.
Could you imagine if your child had no respect for you? The author writes that one father actually would run from his abusive child.
What kind of life is that?
We live in interesting times, and like the proverb implies, it’s not necessarily a good thing. We have lost the art of proper parenting, veering our pendulums somewhere so far on the other side of corporal punishment that we can’t deny our children anything. One mother in the article had to run home for a family emergency. Her daughter had been rejected on a college application and it was the first time in her 19 years she had ever had to deal with rejection…
WTF?
My folks were strict. I respect that now, though I might have wished for more hugs and comfort in between the times I was in trouble… but I got plenty of, “Because I said so” and “Never mind, just do it” and “you are not leaving the house dressed like that!”
Yes, give your child choices. But make them either/or choices, not open ended ones. Do you really think you’re doing your three year old a favor, giving her a lesson in independence, when you say, “I don’t know, sweetie, what do YOU want to do?”
Set reasonable milestones for your child. Help him or her achieve them. But do not shield them from failure or disappointment, or they will never learn how to get back up on their own two feet.
Tags: A-Lost-Art, Patricia-Dalton, respect, Washington-PostRelated Stories
POSTED IN: parenting
5 opinions for Why? Because I said so
navi
Sep 14, 2007 at 8:58 pm
I wonder how many of those ‘parent is scared of abusive child’ aren’t really ‘parent is scared of mentally ill child’. Yes, a lot of it is parenting. and a lot of it doesn’t matter what you do. and a lot of it, is, in this day and age, that stuff isn’t hidden away.
Leah Klungness
Sep 17, 2007 at 12:10 pm
What’s good for you is good for your child. Remeber the standard in flight warning about adjusting your own oxygen mask before you adjust your child’s? Constantly giving children choices about everything, detailed and unwarranted explanations, and, generally, being the fix all Magic Mommy is exhausting! No wonder so many moms complain about “No time for me”. I’m all for “Because I said so” and moving ahead with the business of life.
christina
Sep 18, 2007 at 11:02 am
Navi, I think many behavioral problems in children can be traced to a lack of good parenting.
christina
Sep 18, 2007 at 11:03 am
Leah, thanks for this. I absolutely agree.
angel
Sep 18, 2007 at 2:36 pm
oh man do i wish i’d put more of my parents lessons into practice with my son damien… i was truly blessed!
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