Work and the single mother
I’m exhausted. I’ve had a Netflix sitting on my bedside table for a week, but haven’t found the time to watch it. My beloved books are lonely.
So is my son.
My mother has keys to my house. Today, she picked the boy up from school and he wanted to go to his house to play. Apparently, he was very sad I wasn’t home when he came in. He spent ten minutes looking for me. It’s nice to be loved. I wish I didn’t have to disappoint him sometimes. On the eve of his birthday, he wanted me to snuggle more… and I did. Oh, I did… but then I had to tell him, “Mama has to do some work tonight so she can come to your birthday party tomorrow, is that ok?” and he did. He let me work.
Here’s the thing. My job is deadline intensive, high pressure, and in a field I love. But I’m missing my boy. I’ve worked almost sixty hours this week, already, and I’ve got to get up at four in the morning on Monday to go to meetings in New York. Part of me is simply doing the job and getting it done. Part of me–a very little part of me, but a loud, angsty part–is anxious about being a single mother in a job that requires an extraordinary amount of smarts, presence, and time. I don’t want to let single mothers down. I don’t want folks at the office to decide that they can’t rely upon me because I’m a mother without backup. I put a lot of pressure on myself to measure up, to not let anyone down. Amazing thing is, I’m not even letting myself down. I’m doing right by my boy… mostly… I know he misses me and I miss him…
What do you think? Do you work harder to be sure you don’t get labeled unreliable? Do you worry about what your company will do if you have to take ‘too many’ sick days? I’ve got to take the King of Everything to the ENT tomorrow. I tried to reschedule the visit, but part of me also says, the kid is sick, he can’t breathe through his nose, and I can’t put off taking him to the doc’s just because work needs me. My son needs me, too.
Where is the balance?
Tags: balance, children, health, kids, school, single-mom, single-mommy, single-mother, single-parent, workRelated Stories
POSTED IN: work
3 opinions for Work and the single mother
Emily
May 12, 2007 at 1:42 am
Wow, I have no advice as far as budget. But that sounds SO much like me!
Except it is my sister that has keys to my apartment, and my car so she can grab the car safety-seat! I would like to know… the answer to the question. Where is the balance?
-Emily- Single Mother 23.
Becky
May 5, 2008 at 2:55 am
Boy, I know exactly what you are going through. I was just searching the internet trying to find some information for a single mom with children when I ran across your blog. I am a single mom trying to make everyone happy - but split between everything - work, children, boyfriend - and I am dividing myself so thinly that I am not making anyone happy - I love my children(1st) and my boyfriend all so much, I just want to quit my job to be able to spend time with them, but I can’t. I work a late shift, usually not home till 8 pm - on days off have to keep up housework and laundry - but also make a point to spend time with my kids -I try to talk and laugh with them everyday even if it is just a short time, I tell them I love them everyday. Sometimes I am so tired though and I get cranky, especially if my 14-year-old daughter is in a bad mood also. My son’s bedtime is usually 9:30, and so that only leaves a short while with him. He turns into a pumkin at 9:30, but we have been very close and can talk about anything. I feel very guilty that I don’t have much time time with them. There are not any good paying jobs in this area - I am making top dollar for my profession in this town. This is a very small town and with gas prices I can’t afford to drive to the big city - an hour away. My boyfriend is mad at me - He feels neglected. It’s hard when I don’t have anyone to watch my children (mother did at first, but she decided she didn’t like him and will not watch the kids anymore if I wanted to see him) He wants one full day and night per week just devoted to him. I would love that too, but sometime it is impossible. - Our relationship suffers. He doesn’t have children and doesn’t understand, but I know he needs time too. Sometimes I wonder if I just chose men who aren’t good for me. I miss him very much and tell him I still have feelings for him - he think our relationship has failed and he feels it is entirely my fault. He felt resentment over time and the resentment showed in his hateful attitude, which in turn made me have a bad attitude towards him, communication was very bad - now that I try to talk to him and explain my feelings he is very cold and unfeeling. He says he still loves me and I am special, but he is such a resentful person, not just about me but about his past relationships, etc.
My exhusband is out of the picture and doesn’t pay child support. He has no job and is on SSI so the children do not get any help like if he had received SSD (there is a difference and I, an attorney, or child support services, can’t do a thing about it). While we were married he had a good job, but he became addicted to drugs, and I tried to get him help, rehab, etc, but after 3-4 years of relapsing - I had to leave to give the kids a more stable life. I feel guilty that they don’t have a dad and that I can’t provide for them. My mother helps out so much and I appreciate it, but I also feel bad that I have to rely on her, financially and as a caretaker. I appreciate her so much and I am very happy that my children and her have a close relationship and that she does nice things for them (and me), but at the same time I get jealous and also feel bad that I can’t buy them brand new clothes and go out to very nice restaurants a lot like she is able to. She likes to talk to her friends about how much she has to help me and it makes me feel very bad. This is a small town and everyone likes to talk and I feel that everyone thinks I am a deadbeat even though I am trying so hard to make everyone happy and trying to make ends meet.
I’m starting to take on a part-time job of renting a booth in a flea-market to make extra money on the side Right now it is taking more of my time also - but I think once it is set up, it won’t take as much time because I don’t have to be there to sell the items, it is managed by other people. I’m getting the kids involved too - they get to put their old toys, etc up for sale and it makes them happy. - Hopefully this will bring more money in to help with bills, and help me become more independent.
I feel like I am so negative right now, sometimes it is hard to be so positive.
Thanks for hearing me. Signed, Doing laundry at 1:40 in the morning.
christina
May 6, 2008 at 2:45 pm
Becky, I hope the flea market idea pans out for you. It’s fun to do with the kids, I always had a good time helping my parents when they did craft shows. I’m trying to get the courage up to pitch some stories to magazines. AAGH! But since I finally sat down and took a good hard look at my finances, I have to find a second income stream.
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